Affairs of the Mind, Hands, and a Pair of Eyes

She's Thinking...

2011-08-08T19:28:00.009+08:00

If you are not getting as much from life as you want to, then examine the state of your enthusiasm.

-Norman Vincent Peale-

The above is today's quote that I'd like to look back in one (or more) of my tomorrows. I guess sometimes it just really has to do with the level of enthusiasm we have in us that changes or makes a difference in the way we look or do things in the days that we live on dear planet Earth. It's quite contagious, sometimes, you know - the enthusiasm, I mean. That's the kind of people I'd like to be around with. Yupz.

Something I learned today was about kindness. Hmm...I'm thinking I don't quite have it in me like how some people are. How is it that some people appear to be like saints (or angels if you prefer), and really are that way right from the heart? No mask whatsoever...you see their intentions right through. Gosh. I envy them.

Here's a little something I'd like to include in today's post.

A wise woman who was traveling in the mountains found a precious stone in a stream. The next day she met another traveler who was hungry, and the wise woman opened her bag to share her food. The hungry traveler saw the precious stone and asked the woman to give it to him. She did so without hesitation. The traveler left, rejoicing in his good fortune. He knew the stone was worth enough to give him security for a lifetime. But a few days later he came back to return the stone to the wise woman.

"I've been thinking," he said, "I know how valuable the stone is, but I give it back in the hope that you can give me something even more precious. Give me what you have within you that enabled you to give me the stone."

"The Wise Woman's Stone"
Author Unknown

Good stories are always worth sharing if it makes the heart feel all good inside...and maybe, even if you won't ever have any idea who was the author of it (like the one above...hehe).

Since there's been zero images for the past few posts, I decide to add in one or two this time.

I'm not quite a fan of the feline animal kingdom, but somehow some kind of hidden chemistry brought me to this picture. Could it possibly be the cuteness factor?

I love this image!...Because I love hugs where the heart smiles with you. Hehe

Later peeps...my wish for tomorrow...hope you have a good day ahead. :]

Simply the 7th...

2011-08-07T22:21:00.003+08:00

For the many yesterdays, and how I've gone through them to come to this moment, I'd like to say, "Thank you...I know there's still more heartaches to heal from (and to still heal from the ones that still stings the beating part of me), but still...I want to say, 'Thank you', anyway."

Dear God, please help me to see every day this way with a touch of gratitude in the heart.

Fly Me To Some Place Else

2011-07-29T15:37:00.001+08:00

As of now, 2.55 pm on a sunny Friday afternoon, part of my day has been great. Oh yeah! It feels good to feel this way. I'm beaming from inside...would be even better if I could feel this way for at least 3 - 5 days in a week. I'm trying to be a little more realistic...'cause you see, you can't always be in such a splendid mood every - let me add - single day (therefore, 3 - 5 days of being spared from moments of unhappiness...lolz).

Now, lemme count...1...2...3...4... Yup, four things that's causing me to smile from the liver (got this phrase from my favorite book, 'Eat Pray Love'). I'll leave the first three zipped up - not that it's top secret or anything (well maybe a little) - and I'll let you know reason number 4. It's the weekend!... Plus, it's Sabbath tomorrow... Time to get all renewed spiritually. Hehe. I'm trying peeps, I'm trying...it's a daily effort to let that part of you grow.

Know what? I've suddenly got this desire to be at some place else...not for that long a period, just maybe a little more than 'awhile'. And, if it can happen, I'll be back because my heart belongs on 'home ground'. Yupz. Most of us are where we are because we chose it. Like for instance, me being right in front of the computer...blogging.

Hmm...just how far will I go to get what I want?

I hate saying I don't know. Sometimes, I just really want to know, you know. I know you know. Donks!

Anyway...

I hate being all alone here...I wanna be back home. So my choice? I'm logging off and heading back.

Happy Sabbath y'all!

Tunggu!!...Wait!!...

This quote by Hans Nouwens - I want to post it up here even though it appears on my quote catch right now as I type. I'll lose it by tomorrow that's why. So here goes...

In true love the

smallest distance is too

great, and the greatest

distance can be

bridged.

Lawa lah! (Uhh...sorry that's an expression I find hard to 'translate'). If you've got a person who can love you this much, and it won't change now or later, then you're just one lucky person. Gotta appreciate the good things in life - they come by so rare sometimes.

Bye...for real now. ;)

Breath...This Is Another Day

2011-07-27T19:20:00.002+08:00

A picture that I so want to capture right now looks something like this in mind...a single white flower cupped in the palm of my hands with still waters as my background. Well, maybe I'll try to be more flexible with the choice of color.

No camera, specifically a DSLR. I can almost swear I won't stop mentioning 'bout this until I purchase one...or am given one. Dalam mimpi kau lah! [In your dreams lah!]

Anyway...

It's mid-week prayer. This heart says, "Go..." And so, today, this evening, I will listen to that voice.

Help me to see how precious this life is - the one You gave me to live...sweet or bitter it may be...and help me, too, to say and do the right thing.

PeekaBoo!

2011-07-26T10:42:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, being all busy like right now is not too bad. It's better than staying at home 24/7 doing nothing and letting my brain rot.

I've got 2 minutes (this is a lie!) to post this up. Yes, I'm giving myself a 'breeze'...whatever the heck that means to you. Ha.

The bell just finished buzzing. Tata!

In His Eyes...

2011-07-18T20:53:00.000+08:00

It is these words that are echoing at the back of my mind right about now...

"Sometimes you have to forget your own hurt, and think about the hurt of others...that's when your prayers change."

Why do we always end up asking from God? We ask to be blessed for this, and then that... and if that's not enough, we ask for so many other things that never seem to come to a definite end. Why this question? Because it was directed once or twice before to a congregation/worship gathering/etc where I happened to be in it.

*Sighs*...Yes, I guess I'm rendered by deep contemplation.

In His Eyes... His love for us does not fall short... It is us who fail to understand just how much we really mean to Him.

I hope He helps me understand the depth of this love He has for me.

Nite, peeps.

"She Will Be Loved..."

2011-07-12T18:41:00.002+08:00

Just so happened that that's the tune I'm tapping into right now..intentionally (on Windows Media Player)..like having the same song played over and over again. Please don't throw the word 'lame' at my face. Ha.

Well, who doesn't want to be loved, right? I guess, my words will hold some percentage of truth when I say that we were born with a heart that desires to be loved.

Oh well, that's not quite what I had intended to blog about ('...to be loved'). Fellow peeps..I missed blogging. The first two paragraphs were just mere comments to the title of the song that's quietly playing through the speakers. I had wanted to put in a new post on the last day of June. Luck, however, was dry on my side. Now, no thanks to the terrible Internet connection, my archives has one month missing - the chain of posts have been broken. Dang.

Anyway...

You know how it gets when you do things in a rush? Like when you rush blogging something up, you don't get to say all that's in your head.

That's how it is for me now..wanna say more but the voice at the back of my head is saying, "Hey you..go take your bath and freshen up yourself."

Yup, got a small farewell party to go to in about 15 minutes from now.

I hate goodbyes like this one.

Later!

Her Heart Says This...

2011-05-09T17:59:00.003+08:00

There's just one thing I'm sharing here today...I want to travel.

Yes, I want to go to some far away place from the usual scenes around me, with one of my girlfriends. And of course, there's definitely no harm if there's more in number to travel with. As the saying goes, 'The more, the merrier'.

I just want a breath of fresh air...to let this mind roam free from the clutters of every day life...my life to be exact. A week long getaway will do me some good.

All I need is to gear myself with a wallet filled with the right amount of money (plus some extra bit of cash or more), a backpack carrying all a woman's necessities, a stomach ready to be charmed by novel culinary experiences, and...that Digital SLR that I've always wanted. My baby! Pictures...if you can't bring anything else back home, bring some pictures that everyone else can enjoy during happy family gatherings.

I'm getting all rusty mentally and in spirit. I need to be rejuvenated. Spraying perfume to the bare skin just simply won't do no matter how sweet to the senses or how well-known the brand or how 'wow-ish!' the price tag. Last I've been out of the country was 'plus minus' two years ago. Seems like I'm half way shrivelled to my bones like an orange sitting in the fridge for way too long and that all traces of life has slipped and dissolved into thin air. That's how I'm mentally picturing myself.

'Punya lah'...itu lah ekspresi orang disini.

Okay, I'm telling myself it will happen soon. That chance is already on it's way, heading straight at my direction. Whether that's true or not...well hey, gotta cheer myself up with the thoughts of possibilities in the palm of these hands that I've got.

May God bless us with a happy heart...there's nothing bad in that. :)

May's Greetings

2011-05-04T16:49:00.002+08:00

Guess what? A smile is sketched across the features of my face right now. You'll find out why if you read on. :)

On the afternoon of yesterday, at around this same time, the sun was hidden by clouds that poured out rain...yeah it pretty much rained the whole afternoon yesterday. Total mood killer, I'd say. I slept through the afternoon like a pig (what a pathetic way to picture myself in sleeping mode). Anyway, what really gets me smiling is the change of weather today...this very day. Earlier this morning, I felt that all hope was gone when I saw no promising light to a bright sunshine any time today. So I breathed out a prayer as I mounted the stairs somewhere on this school compound (well more like a conversation to God) which went something like this, "If there's no sunshine today, well at least let it not rain until night time."

God proved He could do much more than that silent prayer I breathed out. Sometime ago, but not too very long ago (somewhere in March), I heard this particular line of words from a much revered pastor who gave this talk for chapel. I wish I was in the chapel gathering area right from the beginning of his talk. His exact words were, "Tuhan mampu lakukan lebih daripada doa-doa kita". Translated version of that would go, "God can do much more than our prayers." They were just the words I needed to hear at that very moment when my ears had finally tuned in.

Outside the window, the sun is shining bright and the birds are singing to their own tune of praise. It's enough to make me happy for now. So, thank you, Lord...thank you so very much.

Hehe. Here's the sunshine I was talking about.

I didn't mind the fact that two senior students saw me capturing this scene which I believed to them seemed like there was not a single speck of significance about it. You have no idea how I feel at this very moment. I guess only I will know the story. Or maybe, just one other person. ;)

By the way, here's the continuation of the Serenity Prayer from my previous post.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He would make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen.

~Reinhold Niebuhr~

I hope so much that this day of next year would be so much different...in a good way of course.

May tonight's rest be filled with inner joy that only God can give. :)

Let Not Anger Spoil My Day

2011-04-28T15:17:00.000+08:00

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

To be continued...

My twenty plus years of life has taught me a lot...and I will learn yet even more as I have come to know - some experiences sweet to the taste and many others hard to swallow. Who would have ever thought that life could be so cruel, and that in the moments in between it could be as gentle as the touch of the hands of a loving mother?

Left and right, and all around, there are questions. For some, all they might probably see are answers rushing towards them. I'd say, 'Wow!' to that if that were really true. Who are 'they' and 'them'? They're people other than the pronoun 'I' or the other similar version of it, 'me'.

The seconds...they're still moving without ever running out of breath. These words slip by tiptoeing and come whispering to me, "My dear, this day has not yet come to an end.'

Each one's got a story of their own. You and I. Some stories escape the heart synchronizing itself, dancing to the flow of breath. Some choose never to leave, settling in the inner walls of privacy. And sometimes, if it ever does chooses to take a step outside, it goes to just one other soul. That's about as far as it goes. No further.

3pm. And I need to quench this thirst.

Next to come, a purchase or two later today. That must happen.

Bye for now.

More than meets the eyes...it meets the heart.

2011-04-19T19:17:00.004+08:00

Didn't plan on blogging 'bout anything today, but it turns out that I'm in the mood. That shouldn't be quite a bad thing, should it? Nah, guess not.

Well, I've got to hand it to the pictures to help me tell today's episodes. Thank goodness for the birth of technology.

Creative piece of needle work. Story goes that it was given as a gift from a friend who's not living anywhere close by. We're talking Myanmar, people. I guess sometimes it's not so much of the thing given, but the thought...and that, fellow readers, makes the heart feel all warm with happiness. Oh by the way, it wasn't for me. The lucky person is my colleague that, let's say, I'm quite close to.

Not quite satisfied with the angle which I took with the first shot, I took another. Looks to me as if they're half swan half peacock.

So here's the person who gave that gift, one of musical talents. Notice the caption on the top left? Guess what? I've got my list of people that I miss too. I won't deny it. Maybe verbally, but not the heart.

Food! Definitely not from my limited culinary skills. This came from the time and energy of a group of students. I came to replace someone to taste and to actually grade the prepared dish. Ha! So much for spending little time in the kitchen.

Now there you go. Aww...I said, "Come, I take your picture," and they all obeyed and posed cheerfully.

Not bad with the utensils arrangement and all.

Menu complete with love from color pencils (hehe).

Notice how some of the letters get a little fancy with the curves.

Second helping of carbohydrates, anyone?

Now when the eating was done, I found this girl back in the teacher's room. That's a pen that gives out a green glow of light. Someone bribed her with a candy (find it if you can) to write.

Piece of advice: Never bribe kids no matter how tempted you are to do it.

Truth is I really don't mind if I have to do that to kids

over and over again.

And here's the look of the pen when it has its cap on. See...I'm not the only one fascinated by it. I've got my little buddy. Hehe. Someone give me a little sister!

Pretty much about it for now. Gotta get back home. Heading over to a friend's place later tonight. I want to laugh like a kid, talk like a real grown up when I have to, talk all gibberish when I feel I'm allowed to, and just think as free as this mind would run.

Night and sleep tight.

Sunshine for Monday

2011-04-18T16:34:00.016+08:00

I haven't completely deserted my dear blog, so yes, I'm back. Muah! The weather's been pretty kind so far - sky's painted with a healthy shade of blue and there's enough sunshine to get you over-tanned. Ha. Nah, I'll never be interested to get a tan. Why, I'm a typical Asian sticking to the concept of physical beauty where the fairer the skin the lovelier (no seriously, don't believe that...if you do, don't ever let me know that you have just criticized me). Ahem...well I ran dry of luck when I was born. My skin's not as fair as I wish it to be. What? The brother gets the fairer complexion? Boo.

Pictures, peeps. I've got to get them coming in once in awhile. Would be such a bore sight to see endless strings of posts without a single image. Oh yeah, by the way, I sparked up a conversation on DSLR with a colleague of mine earlier. Feels good to talk with someone who's tied to at least one similar interest and from there on branching out other bits of decent conversation to occupy time. Too bad, I haven't gotten one for myself just yet. Grrr. Guess what? Once I own one, I'll refer it as my 'baby' (hoho!). Kalah trus oh status semua boipren yang wujud di dunia yang bercuaca panas ni (and please don't force me to translate that).

Here goes them pix.

Another colleague holding up a kind of...fruit you might say? First time seeing one so decided to take a snap of it.

A look on the inside. The spoon, I'm sure, tells you that it's edible enough to not cause you a tummy ache. Small serving...what harm could it possibly do? Unless of course it's sprinkled with poison.

I've been craving for ice-cream after bumping into someone at the payment counter in one of the shops down town yesterday. He's made me all jealous with all of those ice-cream cones in his hands (there were 4 to be exact). So after lunch today, I took a solo walk to the bakery with my good ol' umbrella. Really, it's not that old you know. I just had to put something in between the adjective (good) and the noun (umbrella).So, tada! to ol'!

I couldn't get enough of one cone of ice-cream so I ordered another to go down my throat. Sure cheaper than the ice-creams I saw yesterday, but in a way it's all the same - cold and sweet. Right, right, right?

Nyam, nyam, nyam. That intro was just purely for the sound effect (why need an effect of this sort...dunno) to this whole new paragraph of which might not make any sense to any of you. Never mind, it does to me. I had one more picture to post but I ended up deleting it. The background was in a state of a tsunami mess with the main object in focus being me (a little chubbier), having my hair just washed, dried, and feeling all fresh. I lurve hair that feels all rejuvenated!

Hmm...planing on growing out the leftover dye on my hair then go chop it off, refining it with layers. Maybe I'll put on some wild color to it during the longer school break (like at the end of the year) and then color it to jet black just before school reopens next year.

Now that is total foolishness which, maybe, I might actually so suddenly succumb to. Ceh...buat apa semua tu? [What's all that for?]

Today's a good day for me. Somehow strangely fine because I don't get to feel this way too often. Please, oh pretty please, let the feeling stay this way till I put my eyes to rest tonight. Should the day go the complete opposite for me tomorrow, then so be it. Just give today a chance to be the way it started off.

Can you do that for me God?

Take My Hand...

2011-03-28T14:36:00.002+08:00

...and help me through the heartaches of life, oh dear Lord...for the hurts of others, have also become mine.

Hi, peeps. I think I love today. He speaks to me through others around me. Thank you from deep down in my heart.

Slap Me. I'm Sleepy.

2011-02-25T11:04:00.006+08:00

I'm all sleepy due to another late night's sleep last night. My adik asked me this when he saw me, "Teacher, why your mata bongkung?" ["What's with the swollen eyes?"] I didn't make a clear answer and he made a random guess that I cried. No lah, and if I really did, you'd think I'd really blog about it?

Uhh...nope.

I want to smile. I want to laugh. And I want to talk silly stuffs and dream of floating on clouds. Doesn't sound like I'm in my right mind right now. But, I think I am - it just needs a little tightening of the screws here and there. Tell you what, I'm on a personal mission. Won't specify on what exactly. Just wanted to tell it here for the fun of it. Yup, a slice of what's with my life these days.

Oh yah...have you gotten around to Yahoo(!) News these days? Every time the web page shows up on the screen, there always seems to be juicy, and sometimes weird, news. Ah well, news won't get rolling if it weren't interesting enough, right?

News is fine. Just save it from all the gossip.

Feel like making a purchase today - something that had been lingering in my mind since I saw it. I told my dad about it the other time my parents brought me out. I liked it when he told me this, "If you have your own money, then go ahead and buy it." That coming from a father to his daughter makes me pull one corner of my mouth into a smile. It's nothing important, and I think if I had my own kids with their runny noses for me to be concerned of, I won't even think of spending my bucks on that. I (had) better not.

There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief.

-Aeschylus-

And for the above (today's quote catch), I guess there might be some truth to that.

Bye for now.

And...make tomorrow's Sabbath a good one.

Invitation

2011-02-18T14:11:00.001+08:00

Oh I'm glad it's Friday. I've got my reasons and if you're feeling the same about today, you've got your reasons too.

Going over to someone's place today. Yup, a student invited the whole clan of us over to her place for Chap Goh Mei. Heading over to the house later this evening. Ok, so this will be my first to attend to such an occasion. And, I, have nothing against it.

Mari ber-Chap Goh Mei-ness!

I didn't forget...Happy Sabbath.

I Need Thee

2011-02-14T16:06:00.003+08:00

Part The Waters/I Need Thee Every Hour

-Selah-

When I think I'm going under, part the waters, Lord

When I feel the waves around me, calm the sea

When I cry for help, oh, hear me, Lord and hold out Your hand

Touch my life

Still the raging storm in me

I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord;

No tender voice like Thine can peace afford.

Refrain

I need Thee, O I need Thee;

Every hour I need Thee;

O bless me now, my Savior,

I come to Thee.

I need Thee every hour, in joy or pain;

Come quickly and abide, or life is vain.

Refrain

This is one of the songs that I've been tuning in to sometimes lately. Why the song? Simply because it speaks the voice of my heart. It pretty much says everything I have been feeling inside me.

I guess there are a lot of troubled hearts out there, and unfortunately, money doesn't quite solve it (maybe part of it) even if you have loads of it in your bank account. Not to say that I'm filthy rich or anywhere close to it, or to rub anyone's nerves in the wrong way.

Anyway...

Here's the picture of the day.

Do take note that the middle finger was not intentional.

Sometimes what you see is not what it actually appears to be.

Hoho.

Students placing their signatures on this piece of customized postcard. Yup, someone's coming home today. I would have wanted to join with all the welcoming of the return at the airport later this evening. Hmph. Got other plans made.

I'm a little crushed, but I have only one me. I can't be at two different places which are far apart at the same time. Just an extra thought I'd like to throw in...It is true that we are unique - we're not like everyone else (in every aspect). How unique? That's up to us to decide.

Lord, be with me now for I just don't think I can handle my burdens on my own...it's too tiring.

Intruders

2011-02-07T18:58:00.001+08:00

I washed my hair this morning, just like some many other mornings before. It got me late to where I should be at a certain time. No, I'm not proud of that, but I'm pretty helpless to change that part of me for now.

I missed out on some important news - that's the bad thing about being late. Dang. But the news, trust me, has nothing good in it. It only brought to the realization of the things that should have, or shouldn't have, been there in the first place before all this happened. The "what ifs", I guess, were hovering like the shape of a halo. Geez..I might be wrong.

Anyway..

Upon realizing what took place (and still cursing myself for being late), I was shocked. I didn't ask much, however - my ears simply took the course of tuning in to the conversations around me in hopes to catch bits of pieces here and there just enough to put together a picture that still had many question marks. I played into the scene trying to imitate the personality of Sherlock Holmes. Unintentional, of course. The pictures I were about to take were worth blogging material. Hoho. Careful, I just might be the next blistering annoying paparazzi you'd wish you never met.

So here it is..the pictures. I don't intend to reveal too much.

Clearing away what had been broken. Ouch. You don't want to get those splinters past your skin.

The damaged must be replaced meaning extra (unnecessary - if the right security measures were taken at the first place, necessary - if you don't want a repeat of the incident anytime soon) cost. Just out of the blue, how long does it take for a damaged heart to be fixed?

Seeing this makes me question, "Didn't they have anything better to do?" A lightning strike would have been useful for them considering the rainy weather these days. I'm human - the mercy in me tends to leave automatically before even having the chance to exercise it.

A wave of speculation stirring in the background.

Don't we just love trails of fingerprints sometimes (yeah I know you can't spot them..same for me but I was told they were there)? Gotta bring forward the evidence. *Crosses fingers*

Now just look at what they've done. Tsk tsk tsk.

What I learned of today, reminded me of what happened to a friend of mine before. Of this, I won't elaborate any further.

Well..what can I say?

Shoppin' Mall

2011-02-06T18:20:00.000+08:00

So what's with the title you might ask. Well sometimes you don't wind yourselves in such a place just to go shopping. Nah. Sometimes you want to go there (the shoppin' mall I mean just in case you've gone off track) simply because we want to be out of the house. The cool people would say 'chilling out' and since I'm not anywhere close to that, I'll just go for the good ol' ordinary 'hang out'. Ha! Yeah, sometimes I laugh at my own jokes. Just plain weird.

And for the record by the way, this is my first time going into a cyber cafe in a shopping' mall. For the other times, the cyber cafes that I went into were located at smaller shopping lots.

Ah anyway, I'm logging out.

People, I want french fries from McD. It's not the healthiest of food but I think I'll be buying myself some of that a few floors down.

Here I come you unhealthy french fries!

Sabbath's Coming! ;)

2011-02-04T12:02:00.003+08:00

Weather this morning isn't as bright and sunny as yesterday but I don't have to be so gloomy like the sky outside - the birds are still singing anyway. I'm happy to think of tomorrow. I miss the Sabbath. It's just a few more hours to go, but somehow I already miss it for some odd reason.

Let's sidetrack for a moment and I'll begin it with an image I took two days ago.

I'll tell you how this book got into my hands.

When you're going to meet up with someone, say in a shopping mall and that person will only be showing up in about half an hour's time, and you have no one familiar to share silly stories with but yourself, head to a bookstore - saves you from the myriads of junk food sold around that temporarily satisfies any present cravings. Trust me, you won't look stupid going from shelf to shelf examining the entire row of books and opening one or two of them to get a glimpse of the contents.

Enough with the prologue. That book you see there was pretty much the first book that I set my eyes on when I entered into that bookstore. It was like chemistry had brought us together. Ahem..that sounds a little too cliché, but anyway, I think we do need it sometimes to complete our thoughts. Hehe. As you see the book comes with quite a size that it got me thinking it's gotta be priced somewhere between RM60 - RM70. I was wrong and I'm glad I was because it made me say this in mind, "Aha!". You might have guessed already that I am now the proud owner of it, bought at RM19.80. I claimed my privileges for owning a membership card, thus a discount for my purchases of the day (I bought an extra item - sellotape).

Jodi Picoult. I've read ~~a few~~ two of her other books before but I haven't gotten myself to buying a personal copy of my own. If you don't have anything against fictional books you might want to try reading one of her books. "My Sister's Keeper" got me to tears..I find it better in my imagination than the animated version of it (the movie I mean).

"Change Of Heart". The title captured my heart instantly. Do I personally want to have a change of that in me? Yeah, definitely, if that's gonna make me a better person in the present and the future.

Hmm..can I have a month off from work just to indulge myself in books and still get my salary coming in my bank account? I'm a slow reader that's why. I'm pretty slow in doing almost everything (except when it comes to driving - which makes me a bad driver).

~ ~ ~

Sabbath's coming real soon! Oh dear Lord, help me to prepare my heart for your coming Sabbath day.

Smile for Jesus!

Oh dear February!

2011-02-01T12:44:00.002+08:00

I woke up to the early moments of this morning with gratitude flowing into my heart (plus sleepy eyes..just in case you wanted to know). Got to admit that it is truly one of the best moments to talk with Him above with the surrounding stillness around you.

It's not about what I know will happen that makes me happy..it's more of what I hope for that gives me that glow of happiness inside. Hmm..well maybe it's not that obvious sometimes when it comes to my facial expression. Sorry, I hate to say that I might have been born with such a plain expression for the most part of the time. But..let me tell you this..I laugh out loud at the wrong time sometimes. 'Wrong timing' is how the people here like to put it. Heh. So I guess that makes me as weird happy.

Well so much for the brief moment of revelation there.. It's noon, the low hungry grumbles of my tummy just came to life a moment ago. It is drowned by the sound of the air-conditioner above me and the little chatter some tables away.

Wanna eat! Gonna be my first lunch for this month! Eat while we can! Yeah!

31

2011-01-31T18:39:00.000+08:00

Let me think just for a second or two, and if anything comes up I'll share it here.

* * * * * * *

Okay..you know what? I don't know how my life would look like when I hit 31. Should I? Hot news circulating at the moment is that the world is coming to an end. I blurted out more than once that if it's really coming to an end, then I see no point of getting married. Hoho. You should have seen the 'debate' some of my Form 5 students and I had in the second last half of the class I had with them. Don't worry, I don't teach them nonsense. It's perfectly sensible. At least I think so.

I didn't live up to my word of blogging in a few more posts before the end of this month. So since I didn't accomplish that, here is at least one last post for the month of January.

It's the last day of January 2011! I'm all thrilled because I have a long weekend ahead..Chinese New Year holidays mah. Hehe. I'm not Chinese. I have no traces of it in my blood (although I'm quite sure I wouldn't mind if I did) but still there's this anticipation to this moment of celebration. I love the fireworks. I love the red lanterns that they hang on the porches. I love their decorations in the shopping malls (at least to the one that I went to). I would definitely love the 'ang pau(s)' if I were given some. I mean who wouldn't? Money doesn't fall from the sky when you ask for it..does it? No doubt, I'd wish till I bleed that I were living under your sky if it spitted out money.

Yup, so here's some pics I'd like to share.

My first time having a Korean meal outside with friends. I went for spiciness 'level 3'. I refused to lower the 'hotness level' (sounds so wrong..haha!) because I wanted to go for the max. Oh yeah! You are about to find out that I cannot tolerate the spiciness well. I had a 'momentary runny nose'.

I forgot but I think this was Chinese tea (ah..see the Chinese influence?).

My order. Nice..just nice. Notice the plate of kimchi to the top right corner of the tray? Last year, I triggered my allergy with that. Good thing that is not a problem no longer. Hooray!!

When your mum or dad tells you to finish up your food, just do it (my..they're not going to poison you or something) and don't go putting on the best pout you can make on you face. I love leaving my plate/bowl this clean. Think what you want to think. Some people (I can't expect all I'm not a god) still like me no matter how I am. Toast to you guys!

Oh dear butterfly..fly me away to beautiful places!

Oh by the way, this is the CNY (Chinese New Year) decoration that I was talking about. They're not real but still it holds its own beauty. Three butterflies makes me think of the words ~ I.LOVE.YOU.

My students (the ones that I had a 'debate' with) wrote this on the whiteboard just before I dismissed them (some more of this and that were added while the students were leaving). The ones that stayed behind waited for me to get my hand-phone and later my charger (when I realized the bat was low) so the writings on the whiteboard would stay protected as in 'un-erased'. I wanted to take a picture of it. Aww..how sweet of them for them to wait. Geez.

I'm happy with today's post and I'll be seeing another post in the month of January next year. Muah!

Hola February! You are most welcome to enter into my calender of life! :D

Letter

2011-01-14T15:40:00.000+08:00

Ever wrote (or 'typed' since we make use of technology) a letter to yourself before? Well I typed myself one somewhere between late last night and early this morning. The last time I recalled doing something like that was when I was a kid. Wishin' now I had kept that letter - with the handwriting of the child I was then - well so I could entertain myself reading it in the now that I live in.

I was inspired by a friend to do what I did. Am thinking of editing it. I'll see about that.

Anyway...

My eyelids are damn heavy. It needs to close awhile so after I'm done posting this entry, I'm thinking of heading back home and let that stand-fan of mine blow at my face. Ahhh...

Waiting for tomorrow to come. Yes, Happy Sabbath. ;)

Liberated!

2011-01-13T20:58:00.002+08:00

Today marks an important moment of 2011 because I am what is said above...Liberated! I kept trying thinking of the right word (mind you but my vocab can really be limited sometimes) when a friend of mine threw just the word I needed. Yes..Eureka! And funny coincidence - and yes, I must share this however insignificant it is - someone on my FB used that same expression too before I saw that status of hers yesterday. Yeah, perhaps you might go, "And so what?". Hmm...won't matter to me.

I'm telling you this feeling is just great! Super! Addicting!

Gosh...I do miss blogging. I'll blog some more before January ends.

Yes, a toast to life...and to be blessed with the strength to live through it. ;)

:)

2010-12-31T08:20:00.000+08:00

I said to myself yesterday that I just gotta blog in one more post before the new year. My feelings at the moment - it's all so mixed up in a really good way.

Am happy that I lived through 2010 quite well because I learned so many things from so many different experiences.

For tomorrow, I'll be wearing this on my feet...

Yes, a new pair of heels to greet the first day of the new year.

Running out time now...gotta quickly get things done and get ready to face every special moment of today.

Happy New Year 2011 everyone!!!

And of course...Happy New Year Sabbath too. :)

To Him I Owe...

2010-11-09T10:13:00.000+08:00

Every day, I hope to come before Him on my knees offering Him praise and thanks. Sometimes, my moments with Him seem a little more special...because the heart is overwhelmed with His grace...and unfailing love.

Lord, thank you for this day,

For the life that you gave me,

And for the moments where

I learn to appreciate it more.

Thank you for those

who came into my life

and left footprints

where my memory

can trace them back -

for they created a

special spot in my heart.

For the times when I sink low,

thank you because Your strength

lifts me up and still...

I can smile for You.

And for Your love...

that is something I can

never be able to thank you enough.

Because of it,

I breath life in me,

I can learn to love...

and be loved.

When Friends+People Meet On A Sabbath

2010-11-06T17:10:00.000+08:00

Tagging along on church visits can turn out to be an experience where it rewards one mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I for sure know that I felt that today. Also, may I be forgiven for being where I am right now. I am not all devilish. And I insist...no sarcasm intended here.

Got the chance to meet a friend whom I haven't seen for about almost two years now. And of all the places, I bumped into her at the ladies' restroom after church service was over. Sometimes, you just meet people unexpectedly at unlikely places or under unlikely circumstances. Speaking of '...unlikely circumstances', I'm reminded of something. Or do you want me to be more honest and say... someone?

Anyway...

We exchanged contact numbers. Hmm...I wonder what impression did her mother got of me. I was being my usual silly self in front of her like I would back in my slightly younger days. Good one...I mean the brief reunion. That wasn't the end because not long after I crossed paths with the mother (and later the father) of my two good friends. It's all good...to be able to talk to people you know... and sometimes or two, to the ones you just met for the very first time. Haha...am I heading somewhere with all this talk?

Continuing on...

I know I made the right decision. I saw them - the students - sing and perform their last for the school promotion for this year. I felt a familiar feeling which somehow feels all novel to me without fail every time I feel it again. It's the feeling of 'missing'. That's what you feel when you feel attached to something or someone (you can combine the two if you wish).

This heart spoke in silence. I chose to hear its voice. Deep inside, I'm glad I did.

I listened.

Oh Dear Dentist ~

2010-11-04T13:27:00.000+08:00

The fourth of November brings me to a date with my dentist. I'm dreading the needle and all the utensils that will be used to extract that tooth. Not just any tooth. It's the wisdom tooth. And just why did someone had to put 'wisdom' in front of the tooth? Because it only pops out of our gums as our age matures?

Speaking of age, I'm counting my days. Of what you might ask... adalah (just something). "Haro no"...that's how it's said in my mother tongue. Yes, I'm forever improving. Wish I could speak the language like water flowing out my mouth. Haha.

I need to eat. Fast. Dad's fetching me soon. Hehe.

Oh dear Lady Dentist,

Please be gentle as you cut through

the inner flesh of my mouth,

I already feel sick just thinking

of how all that extracting will be done,

Forgive me for being such a child,

Kids say it as 'scaredy-cat',

Yeah... in a big sense...

I guess I really am.

My first November afternoon...

2010-11-01T15:46:00.003+08:00

...and I find myself in a Chinese restaurant somewhere in Kota Kinabalu area. And guess what else... the restaurant seems that it's about to be closed... they're arranging the chairs. I'm guessing as soon as the last table of customers finish up their meal they're shutting the doors. Hmm... that's early.

My afternoon hunger for lunch has been satisfied... not exactly full to the max but it will do. After all, I wasn't craving much for food earlier.

I'm loving the breeze... and haha... at the moment it's coming from the ceiling fans above me. Ahh... anyway... the layout for today up to this point isn't too bad. I called up my dentist to set an appointment... yeah... a tooth-extraction date... a romantic date isn't anywhere in the picture for now.

Wish I could go on typing... but these people make me want to hurry. Don't like the feeling.

So... that will do for now. Gotta go... would be a waste to sleep through the day if you're not in any physical pain... I choose to live through this day with my five senses alive.

Love you... November. ;)

Whoopsies... o_O

2010-10-13T10:34:00.005+08:00

Let me tell you a story...

One of my students threw me this question before anyone or anything else interfered. "Teacher, did you dye your hair?"

Gulp.

I felt like giving him this response: "Uhh... yeah." Instead, I responded, "I don't know." I know, I know... that doesn't sound professional at all. But anyway, I knew he knew the answer even without me giving one. I had my hair dyed much earlier this year. Don't tell me someone just noticed today.

Ah well, never mind that. I'm planning on dying it again next month. I dyed it on the second month and will add some emphasis to the now fading color on the second last month of this year. Some Asians, like myself in particular, just don't like that typical black hair. Sometimes. So they put some color to it. Don't worry, I won't go for blond - my Asian physical features won't fit into the color at all.

Yes... I am a good teacher. And, whether that is true or not, I'll leave it that way for today.

From the Japanese drama series, "Great Teacher Onizuka"

Come, I change from GTO to Great Teacher Lorena.

Yeah! I feel good... na na na na na na na.

~ ~ ~ ~

Someone just approached me and asked whether she could take piano lessons from me. Hehehehehe... can can can!

'Happy is this Heart'

2010-10-12T09:37:00.003+08:00

Pictures, pictures. I can't do much with a 2mp camera hp, but heck with that - I'm posting some up anyway. Wait 'til I get a more advanced one (camera/hp/whichever) of which..hmm..will just have to wait. Patience, dear.

Anyway...

Love the upgraded look here. Just realized the change yesterday. The glow from the lighting fixtures below plus gate post light(s) really does make the big difference. Oh by the way, the grounds are all wet - I was slightly spared by the rain.

And here's to the bookmark - gift from a friend from miles away - that I got last Friday. Time received: Somewhere around 9am. Don't ridicule me - I take note of the time.

Marriage vows to be exchanged when the dawn of a new day comes. Taken on Saturday midnight - that partly explains the stillness of this moment. Significant date and time: October 10, 2010 @ 10am.

Sunday. Sometime during the matrimonial ceremony, with the assumed permission from the owner, I took a snap of this key-chain. Secretly wishing I had one too. The word that spreads across this pink beauty speaks, "Believe" What's more beautiful about it is the biblical text inscribed behind it found in Matthew 21:22.

May you and I find the time to seek and contemplate on His words ;)

Red Letter Day

2010-10-06T10:18:00.002+08:00

Second day of PMR. Today's paper was English. A colleague of mine came over to my desk and asked me what my choice of answer would be for 'a red letter day'. It was a multiple-choice question.

I gave my answer. We both agreed to it.

So... when's your red letter day?

I know one thing... I'd like to have lots of it in the days ahead of me.

Living Today

2010-10-05T12:27:00.003+08:00

Yes, I need the strength to live through this day. One day at a time will do. Now, I can go talking about strength through prayer or strength for our physical needs... food (plus beverage) whether it be healthy or not.

Ice-cream that I had late Sunday evening to cool down whatever troubles I had inside. As I said to someone, this is only a temporary (cooling) effect.

Box drink I drank up after having my brunch - my second meal this morning. How great I am. Ha!

Took this shot sometime last month. October 2010 is still very new peeps and September wasn't too long ago. Sigh. I have reasons to miss it. This... is the ABC I'm talking about. I would walk my way to town just for this when the mind and tummy calls for this sweet cold treat. From now on, I don't want you to wonder what this ABC is all about whenever I mention it. Say yucky if you want to... I say yummy-ness!!

~ ~ ~

Take a deep, deep, breath.

I want to think and firmly say to myself... You know you will be.

'pau ayam kokok'

2010-10-04T11:20:00.001+08:00

A good breakfast makes the tummy all happy. I'm glad to say that mine is. Had something to eat before leaving for work and another one just about 30 minutes ago. My appetite is back. For the past week my tummy didn't go too well with food all because of a stupid mistake.

Never, never, let these three be combined in the tummy all at once: kimchi, tuhau, bosou. Bad idea.

Anyway...

Today there was picture taking with the students. Haiya... Had I known earlier I would have shaved my eyebrows, overdo my lipsticks, and dye my hair purple. Now, of course I wouldn't do any of that. Just tell me lah so I can make myself look a little better than today. Haih...

On another note, I'm all nervous about something. C'mon... do I have to do the talking? Somehow being a teacher doesn't quite help with taming the stage frights. I have less than two weeks. Gulp.

Oh and by the way, about the title of this post, it's totally irrelevant. If you insist to know what it is all about... Well, someone asked me the filling of the pau that was sold in the school canteen (I was having my breakfast there). My reply was, "Pau ayam," then with lightning speed, I decided to add another word, "kokok".

Thus, a minor story has come to life.

I want to eat pau lah.

I Am Half Awake...September Has Ended

2010-10-01T14:53:00.009+08:00

Today's quote catch:

Love cannot endure indifference. It needs to be wanted. Like a lamp, it needs to be fed out of the oil of another's heart,
or its flame burns low.

~ Henry Ward Beecher ~

No doubt. The person who wrote that must have known that feeling all too well. Or his emotional boundaries are extraordinary - his horizons stretch far.

~ ~ ~

Hmm... seems like the church is gonna have the comforts of technology soon - air-conditioner. That explains why there was the presence of electricians during the week. Am I excited about it? I'll just say... it's good I guess. Don't kick me out just because I said that.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Got my apartment lights fixed. One of it. The person in charge of doing all the fixing left the ladder at my place. Good. Now, I can clean that window screen above my front and only door that has turned black with dust. Cleaned it already with a mop (I'm sure you can picture that) but not thoroughly satisfied with the job. Yes, I'm smiling. Hehe.

Thinking of walking down to town across that steady hanging bridge. Noticed just this morning that the road was blocked when I entered one of my class. The other bridge below the hanging bridge was covered with bamboos and perhaps branches from upstream. Road block equals to traffic jam. Guess it's all cleared by now. I'll know soon.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Tomorrow morning will bring me to some place else. This time with different people to a different church. I look forward to more of that in the future. Thinking, "Wanna get my face all dolled up or not?" Just got into the mood of it. I might end up not doing it. Whatever the decision, I'm waking up early. Ladies. Girls. Whichever. Understand that they need double if not triple the time to get themselves ready compared to men. Guys. Again, whichever.

Anyway... I'll give this blog a rest over the weekend. May this October's treasure box be filled with many good things ahead. ;)

Of Now and Yesterday

2010-09-30T12:59:00.000+08:00

I must have been about 10 feet away outside my door when I realized that my comb was still held between my mouth. I want to believe that the people inside the cars that were passing by did not notice. Yeah... they were too busy to notice the life ahead of them. Haha! Well that got me smiling all the way to work. In fact, I almost felt like making fun of myself, thinking, "How could I have done that?"

People, it's perfectly fine to tell yourself that it's okay to smile or make fun of yourself once in awhile. Just make sure that you're not anywhere near to the idea of losing your sanity. Yups.

...

Yesterday, I got one of my bank card replaced. Its got all out of shape when it got exposed under the sun. Smart move of leaving my wallet on the dashboard on a hot sunny day. I chose to go for a different type of bank card this time - not because of the additional functional features but simply because of the look of it. More color, more nice to see. Plus it's covered in one of my favorite color. Hehehehehe... crazy.

10 10 10...October 10, 2010. That's when my phone credit validity will expire. I'm deleting the message now.

See that hairpin? That's what you do when the thread of your sleeves have gone off and you just didn't find the time to fix it. One of my students caught me taking a shot of this using my very humble 2megapix hp. Ehehehehe... I give you the 'peace sign' lah.

...

No one and nothing else must come my way on a certain day and time next week. Another call of my life was made once more yesterday. Please please oh pretty pretty please...

...little fingers...

2010-09-29T13:53:00.002+08:00

The touch from the hands of a child gives a special kind of comfort to this quiet heart. You feel it even more so when the hands are joined in prayer. This speaks of me...as its little impressions are left still beating inside me.

Finally, for the times when I thought my prayer was never perfect enough whenever asked to pray during the morning worships, I felt that one small part of it was acknowledged by one of my superiors - my boss.

And for that, for some reason, let me say...thank you.

Outline of Today

2010-09-28T13:57:00.004+08:00

Sometimes it gets me wondering whether the smiles or 'good mornings' that I get on my walk to work is really genuine or not. Sometimes I can tell whether they really are or not. Sometimes I get fooled.

I think the 'peace sign' would be better like the one that I got from one of the more senior students. Haha! That just totally lit me up with a smile in return. I'll have no doubts on the sincerity of that. Hmm... I might be wrong on that. Dunno.

Anyway, I'm on a mission. I'm gonna reload my hp with some phone credit to make the call of my life (ya lah tu). I'll see how far my guts bring me. If they don't bring me far enough I'll opt for email. Thank goodness for email accounts. Muah!!!

Everything what I just said... don't believe me.

Pure nonsense...

Shoot. I can be more professional than this. It's not too hard to get the info I need. Yeah... after all they're all humans on the other end of the line. You act to get what you want. None of that, it will all remain pretty much dead still.

Cross my fingers.

No, make that double crossed. >_<

Monday's Blessings

2010-09-27T16:30:00.006+08:00

Like every morning of the school day, my fellow colleagues and I will sit together for worship. Well, that is if everyone tries their best to make it to that room at a certain time.

I was singing a song in my heart this morning as I headed to school where part of the lyrics to the song goes, "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end, They are new every morning, new every morning, Great is Thy faithfulness oh Lord..."

And just like the lyrics that were sung in my heart, our hymn selection also had the word morning in it.

I'll share with you the hymn and the second stanza of it.

It Is Morning in My Heart

2 I can hear the song-birds singing their refrain,

It is morning in my heart;

And I know that life for me begins again,

It is morning in my heart.

Refrain

It is morning, it is morning in my heart,

Jesus made the gloomy shadows all depart;

Songs of gladness now I sing, for since Jesus is my King

It is morning, it is morning in my heart.

I silently slipped out the hymn to copy the song and I did just that awhile ago. Don't worry, it will be returned in perfect condition. I shall memorize the piece so I won't need the notes to play them.

A little wish of mine...

I wished I took my piano lessons more seriously in my younger days. Why did I hate learning the piano back then?

Gosh.

Keeping the Faith

2010-09-23T14:49:00.006+08:00

Thursday's today. Friday's tomorrow.

This only daughter and sister is coming home. She longs to be there.. even if it means only a matter of a weekend long. Never mind the things that she used to complain of and will perhaps still continue complaining about.. at this point it's the presence of them living there that matters.

May the home that I head to one day is.. the eternal home.

Recess...

2010-09-22T10:41:00.008+08:00

...and I'm trying to get some ideas for a class later. This subject is just so not my area of expertise...still need more experience on the subject that I'm already quite comfortable teaching with...and now (or have been since early this year) to have this as one of my teaching load makes it such a burden. Yes, I can see that I'm complaining. Well, it's more on the students that I'm concerned about (finally I acknowledge them again).

Anyway...

Gotta reinstall Skype back to my laptop. Had it once but uninstalled it for some reason. I'll get to it later sometime before/by Friday.

Make Skype a part of your everyday life... that's how it goes on Skype's main page.

I say, with all due respect, "I'll make Skype a part of my life when there's people that matter to me to keep in touch with". That's more like it. ;)

'Come go eat and talk'

2010-09-14T15:43:00.002+08:00

Gosh! I still feel so stuffed inside. Had an early lunch about one and a half hour ago. Shouldn't have snuck out at that time but I made myself a good reason to after having done the necessary arrangements - old friend came to pay a visit mah. So, three we were, who went out for a meal together and sat for some chit-chat over the table. Let me recall the orders:

Ham choi fish head soup (with milk)
Loh han guo drink... please tell me I got that order correct

Do take note that when you order the same thing as the other person sitting next to you, it saves you from much elaborate thinking. Ha!

A little much later at a different venue... ice lemon tea, ice-blended yam, ice-blended chocolate (one for each to savor).

All with the same profession, but perhaps with different set of goals in mind and drive of motivation to keep moving. Talked about work (high school's a little bit of the past you see).. then.. ehem.. back to high school days (a bit - haha!).. news of an ex-classmate tying the knot pretty soon (had a hard time figuring out the name though so that part of the sharing moment didn't go far).. pondering life at present (only on the surface - didn't want to get all detailed about that).. bla there.. bla here.. and what do you know? Ended up with some health talk. No.. that's nothing to laugh about.

Anyway...

It was good company. A little too much with the calorie intake though. Oh well. Good news on my part: I gained some weight! However, a friend who came over to my place just last night, didn't think so (said that I still looked the same). Oh, c'mon lah. Ex-classmate today said, "You still so kurus." [I refuse to translate the last word.]

Baik lah, baik lah... [okay, okay]

Got bored with my story? Enough with it. I was going to end it sooner or later.

My light breakfast this morning. It wasn't intended - I wanted to make it to my working table before 7am. Proudly, I did.. at the expense of my poor tummy.

Now, if you notice, sometimes there's these kind words of instruction on the wrappers with an arrow symbol which goes, "Tear here." I paid no attention to them and opened my way to the biscuits inside my own way.

My abandoned heels that were left resting in peace somewhere in one of the compartments of my working table for more than 10 months. Hello you... I decided to wear them on since I brought and left my other pair of heels back at my place. A little dusty with a cobweb to it. Doesn't matter. I'll throw you away one day. Oh how dear sweet of me...

Speaking of footwear, I came across this:

Spring 2010

WHOA!!

That's about it. I won't comment any further on it.

I've been talking too much today.

And I don't ask to be forgiven for that.

Enough said.

Sep..tem..ber

2010-09-01T10:18:00.003+08:00

The morning of today started off with a windy weather which isn't quite the case anymore right now. Dark clusters of clouds are forming up above and no.. it doesn't look too nice.

Oh well, I won't be able to see how the rest of the day will be like. After all, I'm going to find myself in a different place in the later part of the day. This wasn't in the plan at all - I was expecting to go only tomorrow. I'm not ready.

Haiya.. why lah?

Feel like stepping hard on the accelerator.. if only there's the following:

my own car
my safety and others on the road is guaranteed
no mad person chasing after me
no traffic police to stop me

Now could it possibly be possible? Tell me..

Gotta cancel my plan of going with my good friend and tell my other good friend to direct him to her location. Dunno why I had to emphasize good friend twice.. I guess I just miss some of my friends. Can you live without one?

I want to sigh one thousand and one times. But nah.. it will only kill the little energy that I need to get moving.

Listen to What's Inside ~

2010-08-27T16:30:00.002+08:00

This rhythm that's beating inside me.. could it possibly be real? Tell me now if it isn't so.. before I go too far. It's been far too long.. almost as if it was only a dream that never came to the senses of reality. But I know better.. it wasn't a lie. Now.. I've left it all behind.. never to look back at the pain that tore me apart for days which.. grew to much more than that. I've come to accept it.. and more so to embrace it. I can see through it now with newer sight. I'm no longer blinded by hopes that never amounted to anything. I know now that it only pulled me further back instead of pushing me forward.

I choose now to lay it to rest.. because now I can say, 'Thank you.. you helped me to grow.'

Take my hand.. and show me the beauty of this precious gift.

Mess

2010-08-25T14:39:00.001+08:00

I'm surrounded by such a beautiful mess. I don't know whether I meant that sarcastically or symbolically or whatever way you want to put it. Weird but I just don't have quite the energy today - I just want to go to the comfort of my bed. Mind you but when you're all tired you won't care much to think whether your bed owns a luxurious price tag on it or not.

Meeting. Again. I shouldn't be complaining but I'm doing just that right now. Am I actually mentally and physically.. and emotionally ready with the work I'm tied to? I don't even know why I'm asking myself that question now. It's gonna start pretty soon.. and the afternoon.. gosh.. it's damn hot.

Guess things will seem a little more in place when I get myself more organized at home. I have to seriously work on that.

Now, since I'm all tired, sometimes it's nice to have a cooling color to soothe your vision.. like the image I got somewhere off the net. Don't sue me for doing that.

Gotta go.

Yo...

2010-08-19T13:55:00.003+08:00

Slamat tengahari M'sia!

I have a lot of work to be done but little seems to be accomplished. Not good..nope..not at all. Ha! I'm thinkin' of chicken butt now - there's a reason for it and not just any reason. Short story goes...

One of them asked me, saying this, "Teacher..apa English 'buntut ayam'?" [What is 'buntut ayam' in English?] He continued, and gave an answer to his own inquiry while smiling, "Chicken butt?" That question completely shattered my professional composure - I couldn't help but burst out laughing. Some others caught what he said and joined in all the glee. I was saying, "Can't you think of anything else..like chicken wings or chicken breasts? Why of all things...?"

On another account, while I was busy marking their day's assignment amid all the noise, a familiar smell came greeting my senses (someone was secretly eating in class but unfortunately had failed to contain the smell). I'd say it was somewhere between the smell of a fried nugget and hot dog. I went for nugget but the others said it was hot dog. I decided to skip the scolding remarks and instead went sniffing about like a mad person..then questioned, "What..you didn't share me some?!"

I guess at this point, it's quite obvious who 'them' refers to. Also, 'their' and 'others'. Next time, I'll address 'them' more appropriately. You know..they're humans too. Donks!

Gosh..sometimes I think (actually very often) that I am better being friends with them than being what I actually am to them in the first place.

Speaking of friends, I just realized that my quote catch today reads, "It's the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter." Marlene Dietrich ~

Nice. (=

Daisy Day ~

2010-08-11T18:58:00.004+08:00

I choose to move.. for I chose to take the chances.. it might turn out right.. again it might not.. but then again.. life won't be as it is if you don't dare to take a new step forward.

So today wasn't at all that bad.. that much I will say.. for now.

Come What May

2010-08-10T17:59:00.001+08:00

Let the story continue... for it might end as a beautiful piece of composition life can ever have. Yes, it never lies. The external layer may disguise it well but the internal part of it is ever transparent.

August. What can I say about it after having living for almost ten days of it? Well today wasn't exactly fantastic. I was emotionally excited for only a small portion of the day. Then it went spiraling down just like that. Bam! Bad thing is I started carrying that side of that emotion with me to where I shouldn't have. Work explains it. The nature of it serves to elaborate my situation. Jab-bah-ruh-blu. Hope you read and said that fast enough. Young minds... and character... plus attitude that hasn't gone far from the starting line. All that with a complete consecutive five days count virtually every week. I've gone perhaps half of the line but still have a long way to go.

I ask myself a string of questions which makes me not much different from others. What can be done to make things different from the usual? I want a change for the better - for myself as a person and for them which I have a love-hate feeling for. Solutions come when you don't avoid what you encounter. You're drawn to the root of the problem when there's maturity of the mind and emotion.

It's all a matter of choice, and today, it's quite obvious I didn't make the right one - all because I simply chose not to.

May tomorrow be a day where I make a better set of choices.

My Big "Haiya" Moments

2010-06-29T17:19:00.009+08:00

Addiction is a bad thing. Well, usually that's the idea one normally gets - the word itself, that is, 'addiction'. It's bad enough that one can't stop smoking or drinking, and yet claim that they're not addicted. Total denial. My aim of blogging today isn't to condemn anyone. The earlier sentences were just my way of saying hello. I'm a girl, and girls, generally, have a weird way of expressing what they really have in mind which only generates confusion and contradiction sometimes.

My predicament is this. It's something that I have just recently developed. I'm dealing with allergic reactions believed to be caused by some of the food that enter my digestive system. I can't exactly pin-point what and what they are, but I believe that one of it is chili. I like my food hot. That means chili in its original form or in some other altered way on my plate. The closest that I can describe of the type of hot sauce that I over-mix with my food is chili in vinegar that is usually blended with ginger and garlic, and whatever secret ingredient there is in it. BUT (nasib baik bukan kena spell 'butt')...the condition of my skin is not in its best state these days especially on my face and neck area, and sometimes my gums. Oh my. I can only look and taste with my imagination how much tastier my food would be like with some of that condiment that my palates have grown fond of.

It's coming to about three weeks now since I've come to live with the fate that has befell me. I don't even know if I have the power to exaggerate about this. I'm fed up because I live in discomfort, partly pain, anger, and a bit of a bruise to my self-esteem. People notice the redness, and it's not the type of attention I'm seeking for at all.

There comes moments when I just feel like ripping off my entire eyelids. Itchy. Just too itchy.

HAIYA HAIYA HAIYA HAIYA HAIYA

HAIYA!!!!!!

I might as well become a skin specialist one of these days.

"Excuse Letter"

2010-04-30T11:55:00.008+08:00

Who would have known that FB would prove to be quite a useful tool for students to send in an excuse letter over the Internet?

I didn't, and I never thought that one would actually come up with that idea. Ah, young people these days have gotten themselves well versed over the World Wide Web. Sort of. Good thing about having an email account is, you don't need to log in to your FB account to read your messages.

Sometimes - or quite often lately - I get into this mood that says, "Today, FB isn't important."

Anyway...

Just to let you know, the student is excused. I totally accept it. Ha.

Hunger

2010-04-19T21:13:00.000+08:00

Know that at this moment, I am hungry. I am at a meeting, and right now a lot of talking is taking place.

I am completely anticipating the moment where I can finally make my leave to satisfy my hunger for, of course, literal food.

Gotta stay alive.

Who's with me?

Stretch When You Think You Can't

2010-04-14T17:37:00.003+08:00

For the first time, I felt so alive sitting down for the meeting that I had to be at today. I think even if I had four hours of sleep or less, I would still be keen on listening to what I heard for two and a half hours. It feels good to be fed with words that encourage and motivate, and most of all, ones that renew that spirit that might be drying up.

Thank goodness... I was awake to hear it all.

I thank God for the opportunity, because with opportunity comes blessings.

Password

2010-04-14T00:01:00.002+08:00

I spent the past lengthy minutes ago figuring out my password to gain legal access to this blog. I forgot it - and I just can't believe it that I did. I'm putting a vain attempt to assure myself that it had a lot to do with the Caps Lock key that I must have accidentally activated.

This is what happened next: I failed to conjure up the password, and therefore, resorted to renewing the password. I did that, but I'd say that the new password that I typed in is the same as the previous one - the one that got rejected. Yes, I'm making quite a big deal out of this because originally I had planned on blogging about something else until I encountered this ordeal. See... the Internet is perfectly capable of creating such a havoc in a split second, bringing a mess to your already pitiful life.

Take note that your points to the blogger.

Readers should realize that at this point, that from the very beginning of this post, most (if not all), of the sentences were forced to succumb to, what we sometimes acknowledge as, exaggeration. Wow. I just realized that that was a lot of commas in a single sentence.

If there was any moral found in this post, well, let it be that you should never forget your password.

Also, you should bear in mind that sometimes it just really is your fault and that admitting it is the better thing to do so you can move on with a new password.

End.

'Tis a New Month

2010-04-02T10:12:00.008+08:00

Yesterday was April Fool's Day (I shouldn't be capitalizing the letters a, f, and d at all) and there's nothing significant about it. Nope. I wonder why people take joy in playing jokes on others just because of the day being April 1. Okay, yeah, I know - simply for the fun of it. And what if someone took your things simply for the fun of it? Or if someone did something that made your heart almost jump out of your ribcage and you could have sworn that you'd die of a heart attack had you been suffering from a weak heart condition? Bet that doesn't sound like any fun at all.

Hmm.. that was a harsh tone to begin my blog entry with. Anyway, yep, it's a new month. Just like almost any other person, I've got lots swimming through my mind. Something about tomorrow. Something else about next month, the end of the year, and so forth. Really, my concerns should be more about today. But it's hard not to. Isn't that what most others feel as well?

Well, I still got my health. Still have my pair of feet to bring me to places, my hands to create (or destroy), my voice to verbalize those thoughts, my brain to know what's good and what's not, and my heart to allow my dreams to have a beat of life in them. These should be things to smile about. Definitely not to worry about.

~ ~ ~

Therefore don't be anxious for tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Each day's own evil is sufficient.

That's how the World('s) English Bible puts it.

So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matt 6:34

I'm not sure what version this Bible verse is of.

~ ~ ~

Glad it's Friday. I've got lots of reasons to be happy 'bout it.

A Day in March

2010-03-31T16:47:00.005+08:00

I bet you've never seen a (dwarf) hamster yawn before. I did, and it was just today that I've seen one while I was eating something for lunch. Ha! I turned my head just at about the right time. Hmm.. it's one of the cutest action I've ever seen.

Image - still crispy clear in my head.

It's raining, just like it has been for the past two days at around this time. Wish the weather was a little better since I'll be on the road not too long from now. A two to three hours' drive. No, it won't be my hands on those steering wheels. I can buy myself some sleep at the passenger's seat - I guess that will do me good. If not the sleep, I'll find something to talk about with the others.

Rain's getting harder. Wonder how the weather will be where we're intending to go.

Indeed, showers of abundant blessings.

Mandarins in March ~

2010-03-03T23:45:00.004+08:00

I've got a good nine of them left sitting on the shelf inside my refrigerator.

And soon there will be no more left.

So I'll Miss It ~

2009-12-31T15:01:00.008+08:00

I left these words of mine somewhere else over the web, and they're spread out as follows:

"There's something about 2009 that makes it, by far, my best year. And for that, it feels as if I'm held back from opening that door to welcome the new year. This remaining day is just too precious to waste away. I'll miss this year.. that much I know."

Let me tell myself what happened for the first half of today. I'll include anything that surfaces to mind, and whatever else that I think is worth telling - no matter how minute the significance it holds. This, after all, will be a day that bids goodbye to 2009. The words that I place here just suddenly seems so important this time. I think I may know why, or.. maybe I just really have no clue at all.

So it begins..

~ ~ ~

I woke up and acknowledged God with a prayer - I haven't done it for awhile but today I felt an urge that pressed me to do it.
I took a look at the bulletin board, two of them, and a whiteboard. I decided that some of the papers stuck to it had to go. And for the whiteboard, I just had to erase a past notice. I did.
I agreed to walk down to town with a colleague knowing that it would be my last for this year. All she needed to say was, "Come.. let's go." That was it.
I snapped a couple of pictures for the changes that were happening around me. I'm missing the old look somehow.
I came up with an impromptu decision of buying my favorite "ice-cold treat" just to wish the shopkeeper a happy new year just in case she is looking forward to 2010 better than I am.
I agreed to go out for lunch with another colleague. I went because this was my first, and especially, at that time of the day. I will treat the next time.

~ ~ ~

Got a little emotional earlier for some reason. Still am.. the rule is it comes and goes. I find it a little hard accepting the fact that I've only got a few hours left in my hands before the year changes its figure. Time seems to be slipping away much faster today although really.. throughout history, time has always been faithfully consistent with its movement. I feel stubborn because I am.. and because I don't want to let it go. But have I got a choice?

It felt so much easier to accept the fact that I turned a year older this year. But it isn't at all with what's going to change by a matter of hours from now. No.

I know I'll come to better senses much later. So I'll just leave myself with my thoughts and feelings just as it is. No point forcing myself to think and feel otherwise when in the end, I'll find myself in prolonged self-denial.

I'll miss it.. I really, really will.

Cooler ~

2009-12-08T23:32:00.016+08:00

If the word 'cut' comes to your attention.. instantly pay no further attention to it.~

Andes Chocolate Mints (mint parfait) melting in my mouth.. so happens that I favor mint flavor today. Nice to have chocolate once every now and then - just not too much or you might get diabetes. Just maybe.

-Cut-

The afternoon of today marked a moment for some of them to wave that flag of accomplishment, if of course, they've got a good feeling that they've gone through the papers quite well during the entire time or for the major part of it during those tightly-nerved hours. I am happy for them. Also, am quite sad that this really was the last for them to be in white and brown.. with that badge and the carried name. Attachment is what has caused this slightly torn feeling inside.

-Cut-

Hmm.. By the way, I got to meet with two people I've come to know during my alma mater years. Next time, I'll try to be more bold approaching people who've been part of my circle of acquaintance instead of waiting for them to notice me. I know.. it was a lame thing to do. I've got my weaknesses, okay.

-Cut-

I now feel so much lighter inside. Feeling all cooled down from yesterday's (plus the many yesterdays before it) emotions - just like the mint choc that blew a breeze to my tongue. Whoa. Having someone else to know about it makes me feel so much better. I know I made the right choice and I'm glad that the good side of my brain came to my aid.

Thank you. Can't help it, but I really am feeling a little more colorful right now - liberated to be exact - and I want to let that sink in good.. so I let myself read this.

Nothing Like It...

2009-12-03T00:21:00.005+08:00

Will be sleeping a happy person tonight because of the egg tarts I was able to eat... again. Started my day off with those and ended the day with the same thing. Happy it is my tummy, but I don't want to die a happy person because of it (the tart in singular form..hehe). I don't owe my happiness that much a scale to the egg tarts.

Wished this morning that I could eat them hot from the oven - probably because of the egg tarts that I ate cold from the fridge - and... O M Gosh!!!... when it came to reality, my emotions were well beyond words.

I will definitely and absolutely add some pics of the egg tarts that I've been raving about for the past minute (that is a lie... the clock's ticked more than a minute).

To be continued... after I awake from my sleep.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Just to let people know, I edited my post. I realized I mentioned egg tarts too many times, and I felt a little embarrassed about it. Macam apa saja.

Egg tarts and my scandalous affair with it! Ha!!

This post is now complete. Overdue, but isn't that big a deal - I'm the boss of my own blog. Yups!

[Date of completion: 4th Dec '09]

Beginning of the End ~

2009-12-01T20:48:00.004+08:00

30 days plus a few hours left before we hop in a ride of a new cycle of months. Time... never moves backwards unless the hands' of the Creator decides to do so. I'm thinking, only the attitude of people is the one that moves backwards sometimes, or it stops regressing at one point and gets stunted forever.

Must we almost always say, "I can't believe it..." when we are referring to the passing of time? I guess so unless someone can find a better cliché to express this moment of disbelief. Don't worry, I'm not verbally attacking anyone... I say it too.

By the way... I L O V E "New Moon". Now that I've finally seen it - and my soul put at peace - I g o t to see "Ninja Assassins". I've heard and read what others have said about the latter.

Must... Must... Must!!! Haih... ya lah bah. =.='

If you notice, the only picture for the day is wrongly placed and this is intentional. Yes, one of my first few purchased items of the month... and of course, my latest average worldly possessions.

Welcome back... to me.

November ~~~

2009-11-30T23:18:00.004+08:00

I will miss November for the moments where I surprised myself, and for the moments that made me smile just a little more.

Probably the best month for me this year... because sometimes... you just know that you just might be right... :)

Second Last ~

2009-11-29T19:08:00.002+08:00

After today, it will be the last.. the last of November 2009. It is a happy day for the newly weds and those who shared and felt the happiness of such a joyous occasion. Also.. it is a day where some could take a breath of relief.

Looking forward for tomorrow - not that there's any special plan whatsoever. It's either you live the day or.. you don't live in it at all. If you are free to move, and your mind is free to think, and there's nothing breaking your heart and spirit, well.. live in the moment, be yourself and be embraced by the many wonderful possibilities of what the new day holds.

Forgotten Ending ~

2009-11-28T21:40:00.003+08:00

These words entered my thoughts once or a little more sometime this week or just the week before. They were: The thing that I fear the most is forgetting the things that I want to remember. I could name this Sabbath's sermon as either a coincidence, or... no ordinary piece of coincidence. Whichever one it is, I will know the answer much later or sooner than I think.

I remembered only the last few words, which went, "This is my prayer." The other seven words just before that is a complete jumble. Only two stuck well with me: 1) mind and 2) salvation. My attempted guess is: "The mind is our salvation to Heaven." I'll ask around and see if anyone else was giving their attention.

Quote catch of a yesterday:

It's how you deal with failure

that determines how you achieve success.

~David Feherty~

I typed this in... because I don't want to forget it.

Bonded ~

2009-11-27T18:58:00.001+08:00

Five remaining girls before the others return.. I think the faithful five have bonded closer to one another for the past few days.. it's nice to hear them sing, laugh, and talk with gleeful voices with one another. Yes, they're singing right now.. not because they have to, but simply because they want to. I thank Him for having the chance to know each one of them.

And I thank Him.. for today.. because it's a special day for someone. Also.. because He gave us this day of rest.

Friends are Friends Forever ~

2009-11-26T20:01:00.002+08:00

Packing up the dreams God planted

In the fertile soil of you

I can't believe the hopes He's granted

Means a chapter of your life is through

But we'll keep you close as always

It won't even seem you've gone

'Cause our hearts in big and small ways

Will keep the love that keeps us strong

And friends are friends forever

If the Lord's the Lord of them

And a friend will not say never

'Cause the welcome will not end

Though it's hard to let you go

In the Father's hands we know

That a lifetime's not too long

To live as friends

And with the faith and love God's given

Springing from the hope we know

We will pray the joy you live in

Is the strength that now you show

We'll keep you close as always

It won't even seem you've gone

'Cause our hearts in big and small ways

Will keep the love that keeps us strong

And friends are friends forever

If the Lord's the Lord of them

And a friend will not say never

'Cause the welcome will not end

Though it's hard to let you go

In the Father's hands we know

That a lifetime's not too long

To live as friends

......

No a lifetime's not too long

To live as friends

The lyrics to a song that I hear almost every day - morning and evening. How can I not ignore the tune when the mind remembers?

Still ~

2009-11-26T07:19:00.001+08:00

It seems that it will be a fine day today.. it's quiet and the weather seems to be holding up for now.. I do know that it is a good day for them.. because they have a break from all the papers.. at least until next week.. the rest is needed.. and now.. it's time for me to move.

Amongst a Crowd of Happy People ~

2009-11-25T22:38:00.002+08:00

If you enter back into your home with an appetite that is fulfilled and a heart that beats with gladness, then you well know that your day was a good one - almost like luck was leaning on your side this time. Know that it isn't always this way - tomorrow, luck might lean on someone else' side. So it is now, the living moment, that you savor it, remember it, and show an attitude that tells others... you have lived the day.

If words are not your choice, offer Him your thanks with a smile... your heart and thoughts tells the rest of the story... it's the least you can do.

Left, Right, and Every Other Direction ~

2009-11-25T17:42:00.006+08:00

Busy, busy... maybe for the right things and maybe also for the wrong things. The events of the day kept me moving for most of the time... a little exhausted but still am wanting to be in the open air instead of being indoors. The hours of today hasn't ended yet... so let's just see what will happen.

Got the chance to ask a few of them when I thought I couldn't... hope the outcome will be what is hoped for.

The Genesis of Today ~

2009-11-24T05:33:00.002+08:00

To wake up to the sounds of music and not noise, gives you the assurance that life is still very much present. And to know that, makes it much easier to stretch a generous smile across your face upon awakening. Yes, it's early to be hearing notes flying in the air - one of a wind instrument somewhere just across, and one of a string instrument just above. And now, right now, I'm hearing voices of praise, and I believe, with the much needed energy and enthusiasm to greet the later hours of the day.

They're dealing with moral today... so give them the right amount of moral to do it well.

Another Day, Another Step ~

2009-11-23T06:46:00.005+08:00

Words are not the only form of communication, numbers are included too, and you'll have to come with the correct formula to get a 100% correct. Be with them again today... to get their numbers right.

Of Songs and Laughter ~

2009-11-22T19:38:00.005+08:00

Move, move, move... my visual and auditory senses tapped constantly to feel the life around me. As long as it doesn't harm me, and I'm not a harm to anyone (or anything) else, it's something I like doing. For the few that are still around, I hear a guitar strumming along to the different tunes sung and hummed for the missing lyrics, and pauses and laughter in between.

Sometimes, it's the simplest things around us that we find beauty in. This time... I think the rain becomes a blessing. Yes... I'm showered with it.

Bright and Promising ~

2009-11-20T06:50:00.004+08:00

Let today's challenges be faced with good spirit just like the veils of this morning... bright and promising. May the prayer be blessed and that they may receive guidance and blessing from above. I ask that You don't forget them... and may they not leave You out.

In Their Hands and In His Hands ~

2009-11-19T10:35:00.009+08:00

Today was the tomorrow that yesterday was either looking forward to or dreading of. It's another day for them, and the clock is still ticking like always. What becomes of today is in their hands and also... in His hands.

Voices of Relief ~

2009-11-18T16:36:00.006+08:00

And so they're done.. with the first day.. tomorrow's another day to face.. and many more days until November ends or until.. December comes.

It will be over before they know it.. and before I know it too.

Footprints to Follow ~

2009-11-17T14:24:00.006+08:00

To think that it's the last makes me wish even more that it's really not the last. But to think that it was one of the best, brings a glow to my horizon. Going through the days that finally brought me to this point, were all worth it. It was worth staying. I've now, finally got the taste of what it feels to be free... so I can finally lift my gaze, and take that step forward. Hopefully, many... many more.

I believe there's got to be much more than this. The days ahead gives me the chance to let them be filled in with moments to treasure later. And so... I will do just that. ;)

* * *

Seasoned by Friendship

2009-11-16T20:30:00.011+08:00

What I didn't know and finally did know, was how giving my time and ears, and having that being given back to me, could actually bring a little more color to the life beating inside me. I might have felt this many times before, but I might have realized this a little differently this time.

Perhaps, that is why there is novelty to an experience such as this. To feel this way, three times a day, brings a sense of inner joy and perhaps... serenity to the puzzled emotions hibernating beneath this layer of skin. If I could choose, and make that choice solid and true, I would prefer not imagining what my world would be like without someone other than myself to keep me company and show me... what it means to be alive.

Sounds of Today ~

2009-11-15T10:06:00.008+08:00

* * * * * *

Holiness is doing

God's will with a smile.

~ Mother Teresa ~

* * * * * *

Today will not be wasted away by closing these eyelids to rest anytime from now until the end of the day. It's time to be absorbed as much as possible with the happenings of the day. Next Sunday, the life around me won't be the same from the one that I'm living in now.

Cheers... to the gift of life.

To ReLearn ~

2009-11-14T23:59:00.011+08:00

Sometimes, it's perfectly fine to realize and know that you don't know what everyone else seems to know. Admitting it gives you the chance to know.

Finally... my much later post. ;)

A Blessing Amidst Heavy Showers

2009-11-14T02:14:00.011+08:00

Now, isn't it nice to receive a generous offer of a lift back to where you came from, when that was the least you expected coming your way that day? It is indeed, especially after you had mentally prepared yourself to endure the unwelcoming circumstances of the weather you were caught in. An offer like that sure doesn't come by often, and to have had it, makes me feel that He somehow cared for His child a little more that moment despite the fact that I should have been elsewhere for that time of the day. And for that... I am sorry.

My much later post that I was hoping for, landed in the new hours of a new day instead of the same day. So maybe, just maybe, another one... much later today.

* * *

An Early Morning Treat ~

2009-11-13T00:16:00.008+08:00

Smile... Make that one of the first thing that you do when you awake from your night's rest in the morning. This is the least you can do to treat yourself to something at no cost at all should the day turn out to be a sour or bitter twist later on. You get the high possibility of having this after having done so: You face the day with a better attitude.

It's the least that can be the most rewarding sometimes.

Another post much later today. This one's meant to be for the 12th - fatigue caught up with me that I knocked out a little too early than expected. Oh well... the treat can come in handy at the moment... ;)

* * *

Make Me... Me ~

2009-11-11T21:45:00.012+08:00

For as long as I am breathing, and am capable of thinking and doing the things that my mind wants me to do, I am tailored to action by the influence and inspiration of something... or someone.

Always.

Shaping You ~

2009-11-10T23:46:00.007+08:00

What we are is God's gift to us.
What we become is our gift to God.

~ Eleanor Powell ~

If the above holds any bit of truth, I ask myself this, "Is He pleased with what He sees of me?"

Is He? And what do I do about it if the answer is, "No"?

Rise and Fall... and to Rise Again.

2009-11-09T23:45:00.004+08:00

Words from yesterday.. it doesn't need to be all perfect. And so the possibility of imperfections.. came to life. The quote catch speaks with a little harshness. It goes..

Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it.

Salvador Dali

You can let the words bring you down, or, you can ignore them and continue to make the best of your day.

I want to think that I have more to be thankful for than to be bitter of. I will miss today for the better moments of it.

* * *

Close Those Eyes ~

2009-11-08T23:54:00.004+08:00

When you've stepped into the hour or the moment that you've been waiting for, know that the hours or the moments after that, doesn't need to be all perfect. You let yourself fall, because you learn to get back on your feet when you hit the ground.

You need a heart to carry on, to push you forward, even if you might be tempted to let yourself give up all hope. So close those eyes, find your strength, and let the wind lift you up... so when you finally open them, you find yourself soaring high above.

This Time Around ~

2009-11-06T08:40:00.001+08:00

If for the first time you missed the chance.. when another one comes around.. grab hold of the chance.. don't miss out on it.. you won't have a lifetime of the same kind of chance to come dropping at your feet.

I am going this time, because the next time around, it won't be with the same people. I know I will have a good good time. =)

Don't We?

2009-11-05T22:41:00.004+08:00

I was asked a question, and the words that came out as an impromptu reply were, "In life, we're always waiting for something."

Now, if you happen to find that response to be faulty, well, I believe that for the large part of it... it carries a lot of truth.

Living The Moment ~

2009-11-04T23:17:00.002+08:00

To be and to feel young and energetic is simply glorious.. it's the prime time of your life. If you still feel that way when you step into your thirties.. you did the right thing by taking good care of your body when you were in your twenties. If being in your forties still finds you with the same kind of feeling.. my, life still fascinates you in many ways. Then, if that's still the case when you're in your fifties.. well then.. perhaps you are just really deeply in love with life and that you just really have a good level of self-esteem about yourself.

I love the fact that I am not all alone breathing on this planet, because having all that youth and energy won't mean much if there was no one else to celebrate it with whether it is simple and ordinary, or a little more elaborate and loud in nature.

Yes.. live for the moment.. because once it gets snatched away.. it's gone with time.

Food and Company ~

2009-11-03T22:46:00.007+08:00

An evening with a bunch of company at the cafeteria isn't that bad at all. It also isn't that bad at all even if an unknown caller had accidentally dialed up your number twice by mistake. Food was good, and it was more than enough - they weren't exactly the biggest eaters tonight. Little bits of laughs tossed here and there, and that too was good. Hmm... for awhile, you didn't have to think too much... that I like.

My stomach's filled at about the right level - I'm not overstuffed, and that gives me the comfort knowing that I won't have any difficulty putting myself to sleep later. I'm already sleepy by the way.

A toast to the good simple life for now... to not have too much nor too little. This is one of the last activities for 2009's academic year.

Not bad at all. No, it wasn't....

I'd Like To Think It's Not Final...

2009-11-02T21:40:00.002+08:00

I said to one of them, "I think I'll see you again" when actually what I really wanted to say only after I had said that was, "I know I'll see you again"... that would have been better.

A "goodbye"? Or a "see you"? I guess it really depends on how you feel about saying them at a certain given time. Sometimes you say them both respectively, and if you do, which one comes last? Goodbye? Or see you?

Would be good if it were more than just a perhaps...

A Day To Look Back ~

2009-11-01T13:56:00.026+08:00

Could you possibly not shed a tear or get moist at the eyes or feel that tightness in your throat when you see many around you having a teary-eyed moment? Or when it hits you that you may not be seeing many around you ever again, or that you may only see a few of them after many years later? Even if you do, would they still remember you then? Or would you... have any traces of them in your memory?

Give a hug if you must, a hand-shake resembling a warm embrace, a smile showing you mean it, a pose for a captured moment together, or simple words for the heart to treasure. Some of them will still be seeing each other after today, and even after next month, or the many days after. Some will choose to part a little too soon. Either way, or whichever other way it goes, the definition of life will carry them to directions which for the most part, they have little control over, and, if it does seem that they possess the power to control it, well... life perhaps is just being kind to them.

Could you possibly have everything in the palm of your hands the way you want it to be? No. And for that, I believe that is why the tears fell... that is why the emotions became overwhelming... that is why this is a day they will definitely look back at.

Graduation... pride... and emotions to humble the flesh.

And just so I know later when I read this post again in forward time, today's quote catch is quite a match for the highlighted moment of the day...

A single rose can be my garden...

a single friend, my world.

Leo Buscaglia ~

To be touched by others or someone in some special way is a gift even if the absence may bring a little ache inside.... and know that if it does, a brush of paint has colored your life.

A picture or two to be uploaded a little later ~

. . . . . .

[Added 4th Nov. '09]

Farewell, October '09 ~

2009-10-31T18:41:00.002+08:00

Tuhan, adalah kekuatan ku

Bersama Dia ku tak akan goyah...

They're done with sundown worship and now I can hear scrambled voices here and there. As I listen to these sounds, I realize one thing - I was wrong about so many things, and one of them... I thought I wouldn't miss anything about this school year. Turns out to be, that even before the school year officially ends, I'm already missing it for some reason.

And so I guess, it's not only them feeling it... I am feeling it too. I'll say, Happy Sabbath another time. Til then... November awaits me.

Online...

2009-10-29T11:01:00.006+08:00

Could you possibly survive without the good ol' Internet? I'm guessing, no, unless of course you're the type who chooses to live in perfect harmony with nature alone. Well, in the first place, you wouldn't be reading this if you really could.

I am right now in the classroom, and being able to receive connection from here is so much fun. This I must say, is my first time. Man, this is so cool. I will forever remember this moment. Like, duh.

Mmm.. okay.. just let it be.. today just has to be better than yesterday or the yesterdays. Still got my health - God hasn't robbed that away from me just yet. Therefore, I'd like to think I have so much more to live for and I gotta let that sink in good.

Hope (for the better) is what keeps the human spirit alive. I shared that once, right here, in this classroom. Now, I am sharing it here.

Listen to You

2009-10-28T21:27:00.005+08:00

Need to put on some weight, and I don't mean it literally - I don't need to put on extra kilos because I'm not exactly under the category of being underweight (for the height that I am, I'm pretty sure I'm quite fine).

Just need to have some weight on the soles that I have so I can feel... solidity. Now, to explain this with all explicitness would only beat the bore out of me - if that should make any sense at all.

Gotta learn to understand myself better. Yes, it's one of those days where I'm down with a conflict from within. To realize your weakness is a good thing... when you don't do a damn thing about it - when you well know you could - sours things up. That is the bad thing.

For now, I'm going to load my tummy with something. By 10pm, I should be done fixing whatever it is that I have in mind to chew on. That is late, I know, but sometimes, you say to yourself, "Heck with it" and go on breaking your own set of rules.

For The Most Part Of It, Does It Have To Come From Me?

2009-10-27T20:18:00.006+08:00

So the friend remembers.. but it's not the same at all.

If it's possible, I want to die a happy person. Is that too much a request to ask for?

Just something that struck my mind, and which had never quite did before.

My image pick for the day.

Hate it when the image captured by my hands and judged by my eyes, seems to be slanting. Either the structure isn't perfect or... it's just plainly my fault. There.

After publishing this post earlier, I decided I wasn't satisfied with the first (and meant to be the only one) picture, so this one's newly uploaded. This was the first shot actually. Dang, both looks quite the same. The second didn't seem any better than the first, and I'd like to put that as vice versa. Most definitely, my fault.

~ ~ ~

Which way you heading to? Are your steps bringing you down or up? Or... are you deciding on being stuck in the middle?

I'll answer my own question... Whichever, so long the position that I decide to put myself in makes me happy.

Just Don't ~

2009-10-26T17:01:00.002+08:00

A mere four left before striking the new hour... and there... it was granted.

I decided to continue with the cleaning spree that I started on last Friday. Finally, done with my area, and now my working space is not so much of an eyesore. I know, it took me that long to push myself to do it. I had to do it though whether I felt like doing it or not - the busyness sort of kept my sanity for part of the day. I am happy with the results of my effort. At least, that is the single thing I can be happy about for now.

My now, clean-looking shelf (part of it). A little dusty on the surface, but that's not too hard a matter to settle.

My key chain and the bunch of keys on its ring with one of them being the defected key (from the incident of the problematic door lock).

My trash basket which doesn't mind being in such lowly places (e.g. under the table). It'll stay empty and clean for the night.

~ ~ ~

Need to sit back and relax. But it can't go on forever, because life still has to go on.

Morning! ~

2009-10-24T07:32:00.004+08:00

It's moments like those that makes me so alive.. yesterday and also.. times that twice.

Yes, morning from here! Mmm.. yesterday evening until early this morning was good.. still seems very fresh in the air as if it could happen all over again right about now. Wow.. it would be good if it really could. If only our wishes could really come true for the reasons that we think they should. Hmm.. life would be a bliss like a ballerina that graces her way through with nothing to stop her short from those movements. She has absolute control of where she wishes to go and how she wants to do it - she's the prima ballerina assoluta. Life could, perhaps, be a bliss.. life could also, perhaps, assume the pronoun she and not a he.

To go.. or to not go?
It's tough to beat uncertainty.

Image

Cross Those Fingers ~

2009-10-22T09:33:00.004+08:00

It's bad enough that you're caught doing what you were doing.. "Oh, shoot!".. better versions of it to follow.

Me, at my work desk, and obviously taking snapshots of myself.

Wonder what the rest of the hours of today holds.

I Just Don't Know ~

2009-10-21T21:14:00.015+08:00

So I heard.. it's that much apart.. well..

I need to break myself free from the mash of feelings I'm feeling right now... and lately. My afternoon nap was terrible because that sick feeling came flooding back to me, and I just damn right hate it. I know that I'll never get used to that feeling, no matter how many times I go through it. The only thing that I'll get used to is remembering how it felt before.

Ahh, anyway, I think life is still playing its game quite fair. Or maybe not - the journal entries that I've been fed with gives me that impression.

A toast to better days ahead.

What's it gonna be?

Red or white?

Image

Let's Sit For A Chat ~

2009-10-20T15:29:00.008+08:00

I was asking this one and that one... and then...

I'm here glued before my laptop screen and typing this entry down. I'm supposed to be back at my apartment right now in either the kitchen busy cutting something on the chopping board, or, tasting the food which just needs the palate's approval before turning off the stove and shoving forward that empty plate.

My path back to my apartment was diverted because of one reason only - people gave me edibles to fill that empty stomach. Totally unexpected but was utterly grateful for those hands that gave. Mau nangis pun tidak boleh sebab terlampau gembira. [Couldn't cry 'cause I was overjoyed]. So... if you know how it feels to receive something (good), try being the giver. And I just did, because I learned something today.

So, anyway, I'm here where I am right now, and there's completely nothing wrong with that at all.

Before that by the way, class was fun at the one and only class that I had to enter for teaching - the other two were because of the exams that were going on in the upper level classes. Then, after that was over, I decided to have a chat with my students who were sitting on the bench - they were just staring into space which I would have very much like to do myself. And oh my, our chat was long. Two different people came by twice (yes, really) and commented on how long our chat was. We didn't quite care, 'cause anyway, should we? Hmm... so much to talk about, so much to shallowly think upon. So much wants to want for.

Bless me because I got the exam papers in my hand on time, I had a puppy to lightly touch on its sleepy head, a favor for someone to respond to, some helpful tips on operating Word, a good class session, a light and hearty chat, food for lunch and now... still savoring the simplicity of what giving can mean. Yum.

Now, I'd like to sit for more of those chats. Not serious ones. At least, not too serious.

Keep me afloat ~

2009-10-19T16:26:00.000+08:00

Keeping a close eye on them clutches those brows... would prefer being elsewhere... but distraction from a single other can loosen up the nerves... most of the time, completely.

I'm just waiting.. waiting to see how the week will end up. Wonder how I'd rate it later when Saturday ends. Does that ever get into your head? Wondering how the other end will be when you're not yet half way through? You know my answer but I haven't got a clue about yours.

Hmm.. well, crossing paths with a cousin (and her significant other) was a good thing. When you don't want to face yourself, being embraced in the company of others is a thing that needs to happen.

I'm afraid of... me.

Hello, Sunday!

2009-10-18T11:41:00.006+08:00

For the eyes that saw, for the voice that spoke, and for the heart that went against what shouldn't be... all these should come to pass, to be blown away with the wind... only fragments of what has gone, will continue to linger in moments... where... you want to remember, and relive what made you feel... alive. Cradle me... for my tomorrows.***

On a day such as this, where the sun is pretty much holding up the weather, there's quite a lot to look forward to. You know, this is very true, even if you haven't had your breakfast just yet. Whether you deliberately delayed your first meal of the day, or things came in your way that gave you a reason to still have an empty stomach nearing midday, well, you have munching sessions to meet up with to redeem yourself, hoping that you won't be struck down by the possibility of gastric cramps. Only after having done this - filling up that stomach which has already begun to dutifully chew on its insides because of the void - then only, you can seriously consider putting on that "look forward to" attitude to the promising day.

Now, what I'm about to do shortly is, finish typing this up, leave the virtual contents of this screen as it is, head to the kitchen, and save myself from unnecessary torture.

I am going to eat. It is a sin to overeat, and... it spells the same for not eating at all.