"begini.."

"like this.."

i have three things in mind..

to free myself from this heavy-laden heart..

pertama:

• gear myself up with all the markings needed to be done
  

kedua:

• clean up my tornado state room
• i'll have to slap myself hard on the right cheek - save the left cheek for later

ketiga:

• fill up the sink and trap the water in it
• submerge face for at least 30 seconds
• lemme emphasize..i have no intentions of what i think you have in mind
  

rain, rain, rain..
can you just hold yourself together?

Half Empty

Later this evening, I'll have to lead out in this small ministry group composed of students. I'm not the only one though. Some other teachers are in charge as well of their own group that's assigned to them.

I think I'm the one who needs to be the member of the group - not the leader. How can the 'blind mouse' lead? Ugh...so much for being the spiritual leader here.

Seriously, I need to work on my own spiritual side (which I'm trying) before leading out others.

Signed,

Lost X'tian

Rest ~

The time has come for me to rest ---

the body, mind, and soul...

from work...

from seeing pretty much the same faces 5 days a week...

and from others seeing pretty much my face 5 days a week.

Ha. My students will be happy about that. So will I.

I'll give myself a good stretch! Fabulouso!!

Now...

it's time to water my pot of faith...

so it will be nourished...

and...

so it will grow!

Gotta head home now... then jog awhile... hehehehehe.

Sew It!

I'm thinking of a pattern for the two pieces of cloth that I just got yesterday. The rest of my lady colleagues got theirs too. Yes, yes.. we have to make ourselves (more like "hire" someone) a uniformed attire for our outings with the students. Good thing we get to choose our own design/style for this uniformed attire.

Ok, so maybe you're wondering why the two pieces. Why not just one? Well, well.. two piece dress la. One's plain, the other's got floral patterns. Same base color though.

I have one in mind. But you know thing is..

the (lady) tailor might not be able to sew the cloth into the exact design/style you want. I've got a taste of that before -.-


Gosh! I'm thinking of the sewing project back in high school (Form 3/Grade 9). Nope. I'm just not gifted with the skill.

^__^

Less sugar.

Less salt - that no problem.

Less of the fried stuffs.

The aim that I've set just today goes:

I must gain some weight.

Not just any weight.

The healthy one 'course.

Go, go me!!


BMI Health Screening, peeps ;)

~ at this moment ~

In the quiet of the morning.. these words ring faintly at a distance so near.. this is so.. because it comes from the heart.

"Jesus is the best Valentine one can have"

Whether you agree.. or disagree..
This is what I feel about it now..

:)

~ a lil of yesterday ~

Ok, I don't really mean yesterday as in Sunday. I'm rewinding myself a little back to the recent Saturday.

Pictures!


Now, remember my previous post? I wanted to attend another church, right? Yup. But I guess that didn't really matter in the end. Thank, God (now I really mean to thank Him). I got to meet up with this guy up here. Handsome looking Barong there! ;)


He brought along a cam too. Went dead much later though when he wanted to snap a shot of us girls. Ah well.


Half of me - the face I mean. "Curtains.. it's a good thing you came along.. eventually."


The inner pages of the red book. That's where all heavenly secrets are kept. Kidding.


The words read, "You Are My Happiness" Who (or what) is your source of Happiness??


Happy toddler! Seriously, I wonder what goes on in their little minds.

~ ~ ~

And now...

Presenting to you...


No, not me (that's why blur blur)...


But this! Tadaa!! Flash your own smile, people, if you haven't yet today (I just did =P).



Because of you T.E.H, I got a mini writing pad!



Without this writing tool, the memo pad (I changed the pad's identity earlier) alone would be quite useless. Got 2 colors somemore!! *I don't quite care about those pens with more color options, ok.*

SEE!!! Now, that's what you get (memo pad + pen) when you play for the exclusive all kids' choir. Who said only the kids get them??

You know what? I guess me, having not been able to go somewhere else on Saturday, wasn't that bad after all. In fact, not at all. I get to see Daron for the last time before he leaves (pai "Aus......" leaw). Plus, I get to meet with good ol' friend. What a sweet surprise! =)

Guess unanswered prayers are not all that bad.

Just one more picture.


Now this one's really of yesterday's.

Domo Arigato!!

Does He Hear?

I'm dead with ideas. Who else can I call upon? Or "sms" upon? Who'll be willing to?

Refer to this post to know what I mean exactly by "willing". Read between the lines.

I want to go to another church tomorrow. I've never been to that district. And to not be able to go will shatter me. There may be a next time. But next time will be different.

Woe is me.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Looking away. Who hears my cry? This weak and lonely cry?

All hopelessness sinking in.

I might as well leap down and let myself be crushed.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

By the way, that monkey wasn't going to leap off (I'm not even sure if it was still the same one - there were two different monkeys who paid a visit up that trunk). It was in the middle of shaking that dead dried trunk - violently.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I breathed out a little prayer. Still am. Maybe it's a feeling of hoping now.

Will you hear me.. Oh, One up there???

Take a Peek

Again more pictures. Not feeling so "word--y" today. I'll still have to talk anyway.. in class.

~ ~ ~

Home and Around

Above is the walk that never quite happened. Before we were a 100 meters away from the house, the rain came pouring down seperti kuching dan anjing (like cats and dogs).



The watermelon that never grew into its full size. I was expecting great things from this fruit. Disappointing.



The vine snake that got run over by a car. There was a reason as to why these girls let this dead creature dangle down like that - I told them to.



Here's to the attempt of making it look alive and dreadful looking - just like it's suppose to.

~ ~ ~

Today's images were of 2008's. Also yesterday's.

I was a little more "word--y" here than I had expected.

~ BEHOLD ME.. THE DAY AWAITS YOU ~

I.M.A.G.E.S

Today I decide to post up some pictures. It would spare you from the reading.

Now.. be my guest.







Beautiful duals.

Little tale inside goes, "I wish I was feeling as beautiful on the inside today"

...

read me.

You know how emotions influence the words that flow out our mouth? Story goes.. earlier this morning, I had something else in mind for today's post. That was when the image of school didn't come to form yet in the mental picture. Now, I've had a change of heart.. mind.. and words.

The invisible quote across my forehead this minute reads,

~ One can't always be an angel ~

Students to my right.
Students to my left.

Today's just not my day. Gimme a break. I need a Kit Kat.


Not feeling much like fireworks today, huh?

no.

Today

I'm all alone now in the teacher's room.

Now, not so alone anymore. Someone just entered.

Now, that someone has exited.

Back to being all alone again.

Went to town earlier today. Walked, I mean. Stepped into the post office only to find a long queue before me waiting to test my patience. Dealt with the queue. And dealt with the bill I had to settle.

Bought myself extra reload for hp. Right now, I feel like randomly making calls - to people I know of course. It's just a feeling. It's not like I'll really bring myself to do it.

Gonna play 2 songs for the all kid's choir this Saturday - music pieces delivered to me today. Oh, by the way, I forgot the choir name they carry.

~ Day Five ~
~ Swingin' With the Sun and the Moon ~

What now?

A tune is playing in my head.. faintly..

"If I were a boy.. even just for a day.. "

Now the counter lyrics..

"But I'm not a boy.. 'cause I'm born as a girl.. "

Ok.. I'm gonna tune in to that song later.

+10

Live as long as you may, the first twenty years are the longest half of your life.

Robert Southey

A quote I got from my "Quote Catch" to the right column of this blog (after today the quote may have changed already). I'd like to change a bit of those words though and read them this way, "Live as long as you may, the first thirty years are the longest half of your life."

I've wasted away too many opportunities along the way, and to think that I've let them pass makes me feel a tinge (or more) of regret. I still have about 7 years before hitting digit 3 in the front.

I'd like my first 30 to really come to life by then.

If today were my last day of breath to live, and I could somehow have that knowledge that I have died, my spirited presence would look down on my soulless flesh of being and say, "I died too young... very much unseasoned to many more."

I belong to the year of the Ox. And just like the fireworks that come to life during the nights for two weeks now, I'd like to be bursting out with a joy of celebration - as much as I can.

I

II

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

To work.
To health.
To experiences.
To fellowship.
Companionship.
And to friendship.

To the little talents and skills.
And to many more unmentioned.

Here's a toast...

to life and beyond.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It's a Sunday morning. It didn't rain. It might later.

But here's the thing...

I think I have a lot to look forward to.

Cure O Little One

It's raining, it's pouring..and no, I haven't been snoring.

The lower joint of my pinky hurts.

Signs of old age.

*sigh*

Young people these days age faster than they should.

How can?!

I did some extra little research of my own over the net after reading some email. And here's where I landed.

The Top Five Cancer-Causing Foods

Now, do carry on with the reading if you care enough to know.

Here are the five worst offenders:

• Hot dogs: The Cancer Prevention Coalition recommends that children should not eat more than 12 hot dogs per month because of the risk of cancer. If you must have your hot dog fix, look for those without sodium nitrite listed among the ingredients.

• Processed meats and bacon: These meats almost always contain the same sodium nitrite found in hot dogs. You can find some without nitrites, but you'll have to look for them in natural grocers or health food stores. Bacon is also high in saturated fat, which contributes to the risk of cancers, including breast cancer. Limiting your consumption of processed meats and saturated fats also benefits the heart.

• Doughnuts: Doughnuts contain hydrogenated oils, white flour, sugar, and acrylamides. Essentially, they're one of the worst cancer foods you can possibly eat. Reader's Digest calls doughnuts "disastrous" as a breakfast food, and many experts agree it's probably one of the worst ways to start the day.

• French fries: Fries are made with hydrogenated oil and fried at high temperatures. Some chains even add sugar to their fry recipe to make them even more irresistible. Not only do they clog your arteries with saturated fat and trans fat, they also contain acrylamides. They should be called "cancer fries," not French fries.

• Chips / crackers / cookies: These generally contain white flour and sugar as well as trans fats, but it's not enough to simply look for these ingredients on the label; you have to actually "decode" the ingredients list that food manufacturers use to deceive consumers. They do this by hiding ingredients such as hiding MSG in yeast extract, or by fiddling with serving sizes so they can claim the food is trans fat free, even when it contains trans fats (the new Girl Scout cookies use this trick).
  

More here.

Like no way, man. My favorite is in the top five. This means the worst for me - I'll have to cut down on my doughnut intake. Mind you, I dropped by the bakery again earlier today intending to buy my "d". For the better, I'll just have to tame the cravings if I don't wish to speed my way to the grave.

This is no good. I can deal with the first two quite well. But the 3rd (especially), plus the other two, will be more like an ordeal for me.

AIYAA~~~

Tears of blood are gushing out my eye sockets now.

"Cuti Peristiwa"

I'm not quite sure how to translate the above. Maybe I do know but the right word/term/phrase/etc isn't exactly tapping in right now. Mind helping out, anyone?

I can simply put it this way though: Today no class. Just for today - of which of course you know (said with special alto emphasis) how that makes me feel.

Yesterday had sports day. Field wasn't in the best of condition due to the heavy showers in the afternoons [I'm telling you those showers have been going on every day lately - an overdose of blessings. Yes, welcome to Sabah - Land Below The Wind]. So today, we be nice, give a one-day-break to those school kids. Handful of them showed up by the way. Who ask..not stay back yesterday.

Bought myself a doughnut at Nishigori's on my way here..to the school 'course. Just yesterday I bought two. Seems like I still can't get enough of it. Heheh. Throw me a splashing generous amount of those barred "S--es" (money lah i mean) and I might actually franchise on this sweet treat of mine. *engaged in suppressed laughter now*

There's a few random things hovering in tamed circles around my head this second. Have been to be truthful. Save them for later.

Thank goodness for this space.

Beyond My Usual

Those eyes that darted towards my direction this morning was one of the most venomous spitting glare I have ever come across in my entire two decades plus of breath and life. Even the worst of my enemies, cannot compare to such intensity.

I kid you not.

Two, three times, or a little more than that, I saw them looking at me. If it wasn't me who looked first, it was my peripheral vision that told me so - they were looking. Loathe, malice, repugnance - and all the other synonyms for each of the three - were all very vivid and real. I felt numb with a fear that was novel to me. You ask me whether I ever want to meet those eyes again?

Hell no.

Because it is as pure as hell to the roots. I'm telling you.. don't mess around with the devil. Ever. Once you're in, it's hard to break out.

By the way, I'm not even sure whether it was a good idea of me putting up this entry. Whatever it is, the virtual author choses what to tell and what not.