So I'll Miss It ~

I left these words of mine somewhere else over the web, and they're spread out as follows: 

"There's something about 2009 that makes it, by far, my best year. And for that, it feels as if I'm held back from opening that door to welcome the new year. This remaining day is just too precious to waste away. I'll miss this year.. that much I know."

Let me tell myself what happened for the first half of today. I'll include anything that surfaces to mind, and whatever else that I think is worth telling - no matter how minute the significance it holds. This, after all, will be a day that bids goodbye to 2009. The words that I place here just suddenly seems so important this time. I think I may know why, or.. maybe I just really have no clue at all. 


So it begins.. 

~       ~       ~

I woke up and acknowledged God with a prayer - I haven't done it for awhile but today I felt an urge that pressed me to do it. 
I took a look at the bulletin board, two of them, and a whiteboard. I decided that some of the papers stuck to it had to go. And for the whiteboard, I just had to erase a past notice. I did.
I agreed to walk down to town with a colleague knowing that it would be my last for this year. All she needed to say was, "Come.. let's go." That was it.
I snapped a couple of pictures for the changes that were happening around me. I'm missing the old look somehow.
I came up with an impromptu decision of buying my favorite "ice-cold treat" just to wish the shopkeeper a happy new year just in case she is looking forward to 2010 better than I am. 
I agreed to go out for lunch with another colleague. I went because this was my first, and especially, at that time of the day. I will treat the next time.

~       ~       ~

Got a little emotional earlier for some reason. Still am.. the rule is it comes and goes. I find it a little hard accepting the fact that I've only got a few hours left in my hands before the year changes its figure. Time seems to be slipping away much faster today although really.. throughout history, time has always been faithfully consistent with its movement. I feel stubborn because I am.. and because I don't want to let it go. But have I got a choice?

It felt so much easier to accept the fact that I turned a year older this year. But it isn't at all with what's going to change by a matter of hours from now. No.


I know I'll come to better senses much later. So I'll just leave myself with my thoughts and feelings just as it is. No point forcing myself to think and feel otherwise when in the end, I'll find myself in prolonged self-denial. 

I'll miss it.. I really, really will.

Cooler ~

If the word 'cut' comes to your attention.. instantly pay no further attention to it.~

Andes Chocolate Mints (mint parfait) melting in my mouth.. so happens that I favor mint flavor today. Nice to have chocolate once every now and then - just not too much or you might get diabetes. Just maybe.

-Cut- 

The afternoon of today marked a moment for some of them to wave that flag of accomplishment, if of course, they've got a good feeling that they've gone through the papers quite well during the entire time or for the major part of it during those tightly-nerved hours. I am happy for them. Also, am quite sad that this really was the last for them to be in white and brown.. with that badge and the carried name. Attachment is what has caused this slightly torn feeling inside.

-Cut-

Hmm.. By the way, I got to meet with two people I've come to know during my alma mater years. Next time, I'll try to be more bold approaching people who've been part of my circle of acquaintance instead of waiting for them to notice me. I know.. it was a lame thing to do. I've got my weaknesses, okay.

-Cut-

I now feel so much lighter inside. Feeling all cooled down from yesterday's (plus the many yesterdays before it) emotions - just like the mint choc that blew a breeze to my tongue. Whoa. Having someone else to know about it makes me feel so much better. I know I made the right choice and I'm glad that the good side of my brain came to my aid. 

Thank you. Can't help it, but I really am feeling a little more colorful right now - liberated to be exact - and I want to let that sink in good.. so I let myself read this.

Nothing Like It...

Will be sleeping a happy person tonight because of the egg tarts I was able to eat... again. Started my day off with those and ended the day with the same thing. Happy it is my tummy, but I don't want to die a happy person because of it (the tart in singular form..hehe). I don't owe my happiness that much a scale to the egg tarts. 

Wished this morning that I could eat them hot from the oven - probably because of the egg tarts that I ate cold from the fridge - and... O M Gosh!!!... when it came to reality, my emotions were well beyond words.

I will definitely and absolutely add some pics of the egg tarts that I've been raving about for the past minute (that is a lie... the clock's ticked more than a minute).


To be continued... after I awake from my sleep.

~   ~   ~   ~   ~   ~ 

Just to let people know, I edited my post. I realized I mentioned egg tarts too many times, and I felt a little embarrassed about it. Macam apa saja.

Egg tarts and my scandalous affair with it! Ha!! 

 

 

This post is now complete. Overdue, but isn't that big a deal - I'm the boss of my own blog. Yups!

 

[Date of completion: 4th Dec '09]

Beginning of the End ~

30 days plus a few hours left before we hop in a ride of a new cycle of months. Time... never moves backwards unless the hands' of the Creator decides to do so. I'm thinking, only the attitude of people is the one that moves backwards sometimes, or it stops regressing at one point and gets stunted forever. 

Must we almost always say, "I can't believe it..." when we are referring to the passing of time? I guess so unless someone can find a better cliché to express this moment of disbelief. Don't worry, I'm not verbally attacking anyone... I say it too.

By the way... I L O V E "New Moon". Now that I've finally seen it - and my soul put at peace - I g o t to see "Ninja Assassins". I've heard and read what others have said about the latter.  

Must... Must... Must!!! Haih... ya lah bah. =.='

  

If you notice, the only picture for the day is wrongly placed and this is intentional. Yes, one of my first few purchased items of the month... and of course, my latest average worldly possessions.

Welcome back... to me.

November ~~~

I will miss November for the moments where I surprised myself, and for the moments that made me smile just a little more. 

Probably the best month for me this year... because sometimes... you just know that you just might be right... :) 

Second Last ~

After today, it will be the last.. the last of November 2009. It is a happy day for the newly weds and those who shared and felt the happiness of such a joyous occasion. Also.. it is a day where some could take a breath of relief.

Looking forward for tomorrow - not that there's any special plan whatsoever. It's either you live the day or.. you don't live in it at all. If you are free to move, and your mind is free to think, and there's nothing breaking your heart and spirit, well.. live in the moment, be yourself and be embraced by the many wonderful possibilities of what the new day holds.

Forgotten Ending ~

These words entered my thoughts once or a little more sometime this week or just the week before. They were: The thing that I fear the most is forgetting the things that I want to remember. I could name this Sabbath's sermon as either a coincidence, or... no ordinary piece of coincidence. Whichever one it is, I will know the answer much later or sooner than I think. 

I remembered only the last few words, which went, "This is my prayer." The other seven words just before that is a complete jumble. Only two stuck well with me: 1) mind and 2) salvation. My attempted guess is: "The mind is our salvation to Heaven." I'll ask around and see if anyone else was giving their attention. 

Quote catch of a yesterday:

It's how you deal with failure 

that determines how you achieve success.

~David Feherty~

I typed this in... because I don't want to forget it.

Bonded ~

Five remaining girls before the others return.. I think the faithful five have bonded closer to one another for the past few days.. it's nice to hear them sing, laugh, and talk with gleeful voices with one another. Yes, they're singing right now.. not because they have to, but simply because they want to. I thank Him for having the chance to know each one of them. 

And I thank Him.. for today.. because it's a special day for someone. Also.. because He gave us this day of rest.

Friends are Friends Forever ~

Packing up the dreams God planted

In the fertile soil of you

I can't believe the hopes He's granted

Means a chapter of your life is through

But we'll keep you close as always

It won't even seem you've gone

'Cause our hearts in big and small ways

Will keep the love that keeps us strong 

And friends are friends forever

If the Lord's the Lord of them

And a friend will not say never

'Cause the welcome will not end

Though it's hard to let you go

In the Father's hands we know

That a lifetime's not too long

To live as friends

And with the faith and love God's given

Springing from the hope we know

We will pray the joy you live in

Is the strength that now you show

We'll keep you close as always

It won't even seem you've gone

'Cause our hearts in big and small ways

Will keep the love that keeps us strong

And friends are friends forever

If the Lord's the Lord of them

And a friend will not say never 

'Cause the welcome will not end

Though it's hard to let you go

In the Father's hands we know

That a lifetime's not too long

To live as friends

......

No a lifetime's not too long

To live as friends

The lyrics to a song that I hear almost every day - morning and evening. How can I not ignore the tune when the mind remembers?

Still ~

It seems that it will be a fine day today.. it's quiet and the weather seems to be holding up for now.. I do know that it is a good day for them.. because they have a break from all the papers.. at least until next week.. the rest is needed.. and now.. it's time for me to move.

Amongst a Crowd of Happy People ~

If you enter back into your home with an appetite that is fulfilled and a heart that beats with gladness, then you well know that your day was a good one - almost like luck was leaning on your side this time. Know that it isn't always this way - tomorrow, luck might lean on someone else' side. So it is now, the living moment, that you savor it, remember it, and show an attitude that tells others... you have lived the day. 

If words are not your choice, offer Him your thanks with a smile... your heart and thoughts tells the rest of the story... it's the least you can do.

Left, Right, and Every Other Direction ~

Busy, busy... maybe for the right things and maybe also for the wrong things. The events of the day kept me moving for most of the time... a little exhausted but still am wanting to be in the open air instead of being indoors. The hours of today hasn't ended yet... so let's just see what will happen. 

Got the chance to ask a few of them when I thought I couldn't... hope the outcome will be what is hoped for.

The Genesis of Today ~

To wake up to the sounds of music and not noise, gives you the assurance that life is still very much present. And to know that, makes it much easier to stretch a generous smile across your face upon awakening. Yes, it's early to be hearing notes flying in the air - one of a wind instrument somewhere just across, and one of a string instrument just above. And now, right now, I'm hearing voices of praise, and I believe, with the much needed energy and enthusiasm to greet the later hours of the day.

They're dealing with moral today... so give them the right amount of moral to do it well.

Another Day, Another Step ~

Words are not the only form of communication, numbers are included too, and you'll have to come with the correct formula to get a 100% correct. Be with them again today... to get their numbers right.

Of Songs and Laughter ~

Move, move, move...  my visual and auditory senses tapped constantly to feel the life around me. As long as it doesn't harm me, and I'm not a harm to anyone (or anything) else, it's something I like doing. For the few that are still around, I hear a guitar strumming along to the different tunes sung and hummed for the missing lyrics, and pauses and laughter in between. 

Sometimes, it's the simplest things around us that we find beauty in. This time... I think the rain becomes a blessing. Yes... I'm showered with it.

Bright and Promising ~

Let today's challenges be faced with good spirit just like the veils of this morning... bright and promising. May the prayer be blessed and that they may receive guidance and blessing from above. I ask that You don't forget them... and may they not leave You out.

In Their Hands and In His Hands ~

Today was the tomorrow that yesterday was either looking forward to or dreading of. It's another day for them, and the clock is still ticking like always. What becomes of today is in their hands and also... in His hands.

Voices of Relief ~

And so they're done.. with the first day.. tomorrow's another day to face.. and many more days until November ends or until.. December comes.

It will be over before they know it.. and before I know it too.

Footprints to Follow ~

To think that it's the last makes me wish even more that it's really not the last. But to think that it was one of the best, brings a glow to my horizon. Going through the days that finally brought me to this point, were all worth it. It was worth staying. I've now, finally got the taste of what it feels to be free... so I can finally lift my gaze, and take that step forward. Hopefully, many... many more.

I believe there's got to be much more than this. The days ahead gives me the chance to let them be filled in with moments to treasure later. And so... I will do just that. ;)

* * *

Seasoned by Friendship

What I didn't know and finally did know, was how giving my time and ears, and having that being given back to me, could actually bring a little more color to the life beating inside me. I might have felt this many times before, but I might have realized this a little differently this time. 

Perhaps, that is why there is novelty to an experience such as this. To feel this way, three times a day, brings a sense of inner joy and perhaps... serenity to the puzzled emotions hibernating beneath this layer of skin. If I could choose, and make that choice solid and true, I would prefer not imagining what my world would be like without someone other than myself to keep me company and show me... what it means to be alive.

Sounds of Today ~

* * * * * *  

Holiness is doing 

God's will with a smile.

~ Mother Teresa ~

* * * * * *

Today will not be wasted away by closing these eyelids to rest anytime from now until the end of the day. It's time to be absorbed as much as possible with the happenings of the day. Next Sunday, the life around me won't be the same from the one that I'm living in now.

Cheers... to the gift of life.

To ReLearn ~

Sometimes, it's perfectly fine to realize and know that you don't know what everyone else seems to know. Admitting it gives you the chance to know. 

Finally... my much later post. ;)

A Blessing Amidst Heavy Showers

Now, isn't it nice to receive a generous offer of a lift back to where you came from, when that was the least you expected coming your way that day? It is indeed, especially after you had mentally prepared yourself to endure the unwelcoming circumstances of the weather you were caught in. An offer like that sure doesn't come by often, and to have had it, makes me feel that He somehow cared for His child a little more that moment despite the fact that I should have been elsewhere for that time of the day. And for that... I am sorry.

My much later post that I was hoping for, landed in the new hours of a new day instead of the same day. So maybe, just maybe, another one... much later today.

* * *

An Early Morning Treat ~

Smile... Make that one of the first thing that you do when you awake from your night's rest in the morning. This is the least you can do to treat yourself to something at no cost at all should the day turn out to be a sour or bitter twist later on. You get the high possibility of having this after having done so: You face the day with a better attitude.

It's the least that can be the most rewarding sometimes.

Another post much later today. This one's meant to be for the 12th - fatigue caught up with me that I knocked out a little too early than expected. Oh well... the treat can come in handy at the moment... ;)

* * *

Make Me... Me ~

For as long as I am breathing, and am capable of thinking and doing the things that my mind wants me to do, I am tailored to action by the influence and inspiration of something... or someone. 

Always.

Shaping You ~

What we are is God's gift to us. 
What we become is our gift to God.

                                                             
~ Eleanor Powell ~

If the above holds any bit of truth, I ask myself this, "Is He pleased with what He sees of me?"

Is He? And what do I do about it if the answer is, "No"?

Rise and Fall... and to Rise Again.

Words from yesterday.. it doesn't need to be all perfect. And so the possibility of imperfections.. came to life. The quote catch speaks with a little harshness. It goes..

Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it. 

                                                                            Salvador Dali

You can let the words bring you down, or, you can ignore them and continue to make the best of your day.

I want to think that I have more to be thankful for than to be bitter of. I will miss today for the better moments of it.

* * *

Close Those Eyes ~

When you've stepped into the hour or the moment that you've been waiting for, know that the hours or the moments after that, doesn't need to be all perfect. You let yourself fall, because you learn to get back on your feet when you hit the ground. 

You need a heart to carry on, to push you forward, even if you might be tempted to let yourself give up all hope. So close those eyes, find your strength, and let the wind lift you up... so when you finally open them, you find yourself soaring high above.

This Time Around ~

If for the first time you missed the chance.. when another one comes around.. grab hold of the chance.. don't miss out on it.. you won't have a lifetime of the same kind of chance to come dropping at your feet. 

I am going this time, because the next time around, it won't be with the same people. I know I will have a good good time. =) 

Don't We?

I was asked a question, and the words that came out as an impromptu reply were, "In life, we're always waiting for something."

Now, if you happen to find that response to be faulty, well, I believe that for the large part of it... it carries a lot of truth.  

Living The Moment ~

To be and to feel young and energetic is simply glorious.. it's the prime time of your life. If you still feel that way when you step into your thirties.. you did the right thing by taking good care of your body when you were in your twenties. If being in your forties still finds you with the same kind of feeling.. my, life still fascinates you in many ways. Then, if that's still the case when you're in your fifties.. well then.. perhaps you are just really deeply in love with life and that you just really have a good level of self-esteem about yourself. 

I love the fact that I am not all alone breathing on this planet, because having all that youth and energy won't mean much if there was no one else to celebrate it with whether it is simple and ordinary, or a little more elaborate and loud in nature. 

Yes.. live for the moment.. because once it gets snatched away.. it's gone with time. 

Food and Company ~

An evening with a bunch of company at the cafeteria isn't that bad at all. It also isn't that bad at all even if an unknown caller had accidentally dialed up your number twice by mistake. Food was good, and it was more than enough - they weren't exactly the biggest eaters tonight. Little bits of laughs tossed here and there, and that too was good. Hmm... for awhile, you didn't have to think too much... that I like.

My stomach's filled at about the right level - I'm not overstuffed, and that gives me the comfort knowing that I won't have any difficulty putting myself to sleep later. I'm already sleepy by the way.

A toast to the good simple life for now... to not have too much nor too little. This is one of the last activities for 2009's academic year. 

Not bad at all. No, it wasn't.... 

I'd Like To Think It's Not Final...

I said to one of them, "I think I'll see you again" when actually what I really wanted to say only after I had said that was, "I know I'll see you again"... that would have been better.

A "goodbye"? Or a "see you"? I guess it really depends on how you feel about saying them at a certain given time. Sometimes you say them both respectively, and if you do, which one comes last? Goodbye? Or see you?

Would be good if it were more than just a perhaps...

A Day To Look Back ~

Could you possibly not shed a tear or get moist at the eyes or feel that tightness in your throat when you see many around you having a teary-eyed moment? Or when it hits you that you may not be seeing many around you ever again, or that you may only see a few of them after many years later? Even if you do, would they still remember you then? Or would you... have any traces of them in your memory? 

Give a hug if you must, a hand-shake resembling a warm embrace, a smile showing you mean it, a pose for a captured moment together, or simple words for the heart to treasure. Some of them will still be seeing each other after today, and even after next month, or the many days after. Some will choose to part a little too soon. Either way, or whichever other way it goes, the definition of life will carry them to directions which for the most part, they have little control over, and, if it does seem that they possess the power to control it, well... life perhaps is just being kind to them. 

Could you possibly have everything in the palm of your hands the way you want it to be? No. And for that, I believe that is why the tears fell... that is why the emotions became overwhelming... that is why this is a day they will definitely look back at. 

Graduation... pride... and emotions to humble the flesh.
  
And just so I know later when I read this post again in forward time, today's quote catch is quite a match for the highlighted moment of the day...  

A single rose can be my garden...

a single friend, my world.

                                                                   Leo Buscaglia ~

To be touched by others or someone in some special way is a gift even if the absence may bring a little ache inside.... and know that if it does, a brush of paint has colored your life.  

A picture or two to be uploaded a little later ~ 

                           .      .      .      .      .      .                                     

 

[Added 4th Nov. '09]

Farewell, October '09 ~

Tuhan, adalah kekuatan ku

Bersama Dia ku tak akan goyah...

They're done with sundown worship and now I can hear scrambled voices here and there. As I listen to these sounds, I realize one thing - I was wrong about so many things, and one of them... I thought I wouldn't miss anything about this school year. Turns out to be, that even before the school year officially ends, I'm already missing it for some reason. 

And so I guess, it's not only them feeling it... I am feeling it too. I'll say, Happy Sabbath another time. Til then... November awaits me.

Online...

Could you possibly survive without the good ol' Internet? I'm guessing, no, unless of course you're the type who chooses to live in perfect harmony with nature alone. Well, in the first place, you wouldn't be reading this if you really could. 

I am right now in the classroom, and being able to receive connection from here is so much fun. This I must say, is my first time. Man, this is so cool. I will forever remember this moment. Like, duh. 

Mmm.. okay.. just let it be.. today just has to be better than yesterday or the yesterdays. Still got my health - God hasn't robbed that away from me just yet. Therefore, I'd like to think I have so much more to live for and I gotta let that sink in good. 

Hope (for the better) is what keeps the human spirit alive. I shared that once, right here, in this classroom. Now, I am sharing it here. 

Listen to You

Need to put on some weight, and I don't mean it literally - I don't need to put on extra kilos because I'm not exactly under the category of being underweight (for the height that I am, I'm pretty sure I'm quite fine).

Just need to have some weight on the soles that I have so I can feel... solidity. Now, to explain this with all explicitness would only beat the bore out of me - if that should make any sense at all.

Gotta learn to understand myself better. Yes, it's one of those days where I'm down with a conflict from within. To realize your weakness is a good thing... when you don't do a damn thing about it - when you well know you could - sours things up. That is the bad thing. 

For now, I'm going to load my tummy with something. By 10pm, I should be done fixing whatever it is that I have in mind to chew on. That is late, I know, but sometimes, you say to yourself, "Heck with it" and go on breaking your own set of rules. 

For The Most Part Of It, Does It Have To Come From Me?

So the friend remembers.. but it's not the same at all.

If it's possible, I want to die a happy person. Is that too much a request to ask for?

Just something that struck my mind, and which had never quite did before. 

My image pick for the day.

Hate it when the image captured by my hands and judged by my eyes, seems to be slanting. Either the structure isn't perfect or... it's just plainly my fault. There.

 After publishing this post earlier, I decided I wasn't satisfied with the first (and meant to be the only one) picture, so this one's newly uploaded. This was the first shot actually. Dang, both looks quite the same. The second didn't seem any better than the first, and I'd like to put that as vice versa. Most definitely, my fault.   


~   ~   ~

Which way you heading to? Are your steps bringing you down or up? Or... are you deciding on being stuck in the middle? 

I'll answer my own question... Whichever, so long the position that I decide to put myself in makes me happy. 

Just Don't ~

A mere four left before striking the new hour... and there... it was granted. 

I decided to continue with the cleaning spree that I started on last Friday. Finally, done with my area, and now my working space is not so much of an eyesore. I know, it took me that long to push myself to do it. I had to do it though whether I felt like doing it or not - the busyness sort of kept my sanity for part of the day. I am happy with the results of my effort. At least, that is the single thing I can be happy about for now. 

 My now, clean-looking shelf (part of it). A little dusty on the surface, but that's not too hard a matter to settle.

My key chain and the bunch of keys on its ring with one of them being the defected key (from the incident of the problematic door lock). 

 

My trash basket which doesn't mind being in such lowly places (e.g. under the table). It'll stay empty and clean for the night.

~   ~   ~ 

Need to sit back and relax. But it can't go on forever, because life still has to go on.

Morning! ~

It's moments like those that makes me so alive.. yesterday and also.. times that twice.

Yes, morning from here! Mmm.. yesterday evening until early this morning was good.. still seems very fresh in the air as if it could happen all over again right about now. Wow.. it would be good if it really could. If only our wishes could really come true for the reasons that we think they should. Hmm.. life would be a bliss like a ballerina that graces her way through with nothing to stop her short from those movements. She has absolute control of where she wishes to go and how she wants to do it - she's the prima ballerina assoluta. Life could, perhaps, be a bliss.. life could also, perhaps, assume the pronoun she and not a he.

To go.. or to not go? 
It's tough to beat uncertainty.

Image

Cross Those Fingers ~

It's bad enough that you're caught doing what you were doing.. "Oh, shoot!".. better versions of it to follow.

Me, at my work desk, and obviously taking snapshots of myself.

 







Wonder what the rest of the hours of today holds. 

I Just Don't Know ~

So I heard.. it's that much apart.. well..

I need to break myself free from the mash of feelings I'm feeling right now... and lately. My afternoon nap was terrible because that sick feeling came flooding back to me, and I just damn right hate it. I know that I'll never get used to that feeling, no matter how many times I go through it. The only thing that I'll get used to is remembering how it felt before. 

Ahh, anyway, I think life is still playing its game quite fair. Or maybe not - the journal entries that I've been fed with gives me that impression.     


A toast to better days ahead.

What's it gonna be?

Red or white?


Image

Let's Sit For A Chat ~

I was asking this one and that one... and then...

I'm here glued before my laptop screen and typing this entry down. I'm supposed to be back at my apartment right now in either the kitchen busy cutting something on the chopping board, or, tasting the food which just needs the palate's approval before turning off the stove and shoving forward that empty plate.

My path back to my apartment was diverted because of one reason only - people gave me edibles to fill that empty stomach. Totally unexpected but was utterly grateful for those hands that gave. Mau nangis pun tidak boleh sebab terlampau gembira. [Couldn't cry 'cause I was overjoyed]. So... if you know how it feels to receive something (good), try being the giver. And I just did, because I learned something today. 

So, anyway, I'm here where I am right now, and there's completely nothing wrong with that at all. 

Before that by the way, class was fun at the one and only class that I had to enter for teaching - the other two were because of the exams that were going on in the upper level classes. Then, after that was over, I decided to have a chat with my students who were sitting on the bench - they were just staring into space which I would have very much like to do myself. And oh my, our chat was long. Two different people came by twice (yes, really) and commented on how long our chat was. We didn't quite care, 'cause anyway, should we? Hmm... so much to talk about, so much to shallowly think upon. So much wants to want for. 

Bless me because I got the exam papers in my hand on time, I had a puppy to lightly touch on its sleepy head, a favor for someone to respond to, some helpful tips on operating Word, a good class session, a light and hearty chat, food for lunch and now... still savoring the simplicity of what giving can mean. Yum. 

Now, I'd like to sit for more of those chats. Not serious ones. At least, not too serious.  

Keep me afloat ~

Keeping a close eye on them clutches those brows... would prefer being elsewhere... but distraction from a single other can loosen up the nerves... most of the time, completely.

I'm just waiting.. waiting to see how the week will end up. Wonder how I'd rate it later when Saturday ends. Does that ever get into your head? Wondering how the other end will be when you're not yet half way through? You know my answer but I haven't got a clue about yours. 

Hmm.. well, crossing paths with a cousin (and her significant other) was a good thing. When you don't want to face yourself, being embraced in the company of others is a thing that needs to happen. 

I'm afraid of... me. 

Hello, Sunday!

For the eyes that saw, for the voice that spoke, and for the heart that went against what shouldn't be... all these should come to pass, to be blown away with the wind... only fragments of what has gone, will continue to linger in moments... where... you want to remember, and relive what made you feel... alive. Cradle me... for my tomorrows.***

On a day such as this, where the sun is pretty much holding up the weather, there's quite a lot to look forward to. You know, this is very true, even if you haven't had your breakfast just yet. Whether you deliberately delayed your first meal of the day, or things came in your way that gave you a reason to still have an empty stomach nearing midday, well, you have munching sessions to meet up with to redeem yourself, hoping that you won't be struck down by the possibility of gastric cramps. Only after having done this - filling up that stomach which has already begun to dutifully chew on its insides because of the void - then only, you can seriously consider putting on that "look forward to" attitude to the promising day. 

Now, what I'm about to do shortly is, finish typing this up, leave the virtual contents of this screen as it is, head to the kitchen, and save myself from unnecessary torture. 

I am going to eat. It is a sin to overeat, and... it spells the same for not eating at all. 

Can't Always Be Merry Like Cherry

  
Wish it didn't have to start so bad... They talk you know... And I believe it too...

My key broke off in the door lock when I was turning it. Part of it. At first, I thought I was going to be doomed indoors for awhile. Already I was imagining calling up one of the staff in the school, asking for someone to come to my aid. I tried this, I tried that. My tongue was stained because I started cursing. Stupid thing is, I could have saved myself from more sin if only I turned down the handle of the door earlier, and of course, if I had more patience.

I managed to get a spare which I could be thankful for. But still, I'm not entirely skipping about happily in circles - the weather brings me down. And, it could probably be because of something else. 

Wish I had a plate of pie to throw at the wall.

Tomorrow perhaps?

Okay, I'll toss it back. I did today. What's playing in your head? And plus...  

Any job that requires meetings where I'll have to sit and listen and be patient for more than a short while will definitely make these eyelids very heavy. I rarely make it widely awake throughout a meeting because most of the time, somewhere in between, I'll slip into a doze mode - either discreetly or just plain obvious. There. And yes, I'm more than qualified to be kicked out from this place. Well, I don't wish for that to happen to me. It's better to kick myself out so I can spare myself whatever dignity I have in me. 

Marked and read through some journal entries today. I find the journal entries of those who are more absorbed in their effort to think and write, all the more appealing to lay my red ink on those pages. And best of all, is when a piece of the written thoughts, sticks to my head when I'm through reading them. I like the mature, reflective composed thoughts, plus, the ones with some humor to it. Haha! Too much seriousness will kill your cells and make you rot. 

Tomorrow no classes for me to enter. Ahhh... mind-soothing (for 'both sides', if you get what I mean). Same as the day after tomorrow. Will be entering only one for Friday. Waaa... just the thought of it seems like an exclusive spa-treatment (just an imagination, here), being pampered and all that. Gosh.

Anyway...

Here's something for you to see. 

See those eyes of that feline at the upper right corner? It's those eyes that made me choose this background for my browser. A pair of eyes can unlock mysteries of the mind. Saja-saja cakap. [Just saying]

Okay, okay. I was just told to come to another meeting. Say... in about half an hour from now. I'm doubting some things now, which are better left unsaid - for now, that is.

Apakah saya harus pergi??

I'll translate the above later. Or, I might as well delete it.

Perhaps Today ~

Hang around... but don't make me lose my focus because I need it. 

Anything could possibly happen within the given 24 hours of a day. The things that come by triggers various or different kinds of feelings depending on the type of experience encountered. Elated, amused, hilarious, etc. Bewildered, confused, outrageous, etc. There's a whole list of adjectives about feelings out there. 

What's my point here? Well, there are times of the day that I am fully anticipated to something, and there are other times where I just want to hide away. Sometimes, it's simply this... I couldn't care less.

Mmm... okayyy... I'm not making much sense here. I make it quite an issue when I have the feeling that I'm fumbling with my words. 

Whatever la.
 
My not-so-random image of the day.

Yesterday, this baby dwarf hamster turned exactly two weeks old with it being the "healthiest" in the litter - it measures almost twice the size of the others.

~   ~   ~

Possibilities.

F R I D A Y

Let me fall for them... over and over again. It's delirious. 

I want to eat something nice, simply because of the name of this day. Don't tell me, you don't know what day it is. Unless of course, we're separated by a different time zone, or you've got amnesia or something. But, anyway, we live under the same big sky. Some parts are a little more blue, some a little more gray - don't count in polluted-colored skies - some are just a little plain and pale.

Hmm... I want to see cars pass by, me being in on of them. Animated objects. Sounds. Of people talking - not shouting or mouthing off bad words. Of music streaming out of a particular music station. A sense of touch. To feel and to be felt. Thank God, I've got all my senses working. 

And, thank God... it's really Friday. I lived a little more than half of today. :)

Thursss...day

Didn't need to say it twice. But, anyway, see these fingers... they're dancing to a rhythm of an image.

~   ~   ~ 
Loving today's quote catch:

"Dance is the hidden language of the soul of the body."  
~Martha Graham~

~   ~   ~

Payments. You pay off this, you pay off that. Before you know it, more than half of the money in your bank account has flew high up in ashes. And possibly where to? Into the holes of regret? How much will be enough? Will the enough you want, be enough once you get it? Or will you crave for even more? 

Damn, I must say, to the two-legged intellectual beings, for their ever-thirsty mouth of desires. The line is often too fine - almost transparent - that one steps over the limits more than once. That's why, that's why... it's hard for the human heart to be content.

In other words, it's hard for me to come to terms with that. C o n t e n t - a word from the past that rings over and over again.

Just thoughts... verbalized into visible words. 


Below, my ordinary image of the day.

Sayonara... may the pure petals of the cherry blossom, fall quietly on the rich fertile ground below.

And with that, here are words that are playing in the corner of my mind - lyrics to a song you might know. I'm sticking to just this portion of it.

 Listen to the song here in my heart

A melody I start but can't complete

Listen to the sound from deep within

It's only beginning to find release

...

Listen to the song here in my heart

A melody I start but I will complete

 

Oh, Wednesday...

 
I wished too hard. And I got it, but it wasn't quite what I expected. Still, I think I can smile. Please, forget me not. 

One's approach and attitude counts - sometimes a whole big deal of it. Got to be more mindful of that. Wished that unplanned things and a twist of impromptu works and turns out well most of the time. 

But it doesn't. And for it to happen today feels as though a gentle ocean breeze just swept past me. It forgave me.   

Tuesday, you are.

Transfixed at first. Then, drawn closer like a magnet. That's all it takes... all it takes.

I can't figure out why there's been these frequent episodes of electricity cut offs. It's as if not a week goes by without them happening. Are the other areas or districts experiencing the same problem? It gets me all the more agitated especially on hot + humid (it's so M'sia) afternoons like today. Only a few can actually seal their lips tight and refrain themselves from complaining, which is by the way, good. Hmm... we need more people like that around - at least it brings out some sort of balance between the negative and positive vibes lingering in the air every day.

Guess what? I bought myself milky tea today - again, just like yesterday. Difference is, I got the pearls this time instead of the rainbow jelly (they ran out of the pearls). Just out of curiosity, before stepping out of the shop, I asked the shopkeeper, "Do they always ask for pearls?" The response was all I needed to tame those question marks.

I was expecting today to be a bad day 'cause it felt like such a drag just to get myself out of bed, and get ready and all that. It wasn't 100% of what I had expected though. You see, on my way to my work space, I got a few unexpected cheerful good mornings + smiles which felt like a therapy to my degenerating mind and attitude. Ahh... shouldn't that be a big hint as to how your smile might possibly brighten someone's day? 

Skip a step ahead...

So... September's really coming to an end. It's only a matter of tonight and 24 hours more before the pages of the calender gets flipped over for the new month.

I'm awake. September doesn't need to end for me to wake up.